Mark Anastasi's "Fill-in-the-Blank Miracle Breathrough" Ebook Review

Some months ago, Mark Anastasi decided that I'm somehow defaming his character by relating non-libelous truths about him and what he does. In that message he inexplicably sent me a free copy of his $97 Ebook, "The AIDS/HIV Breakthrough Miracle". While I had difficulty opening the file at first thanks to a crappy dialup connection (the same crappy dialup connection that's forced me to go to a Weekly update rather than Daily) I have finally been able to open the Ebook.

Although I would like to post a copy of it to the blog for free downloading I can't do that for a number of reasons. First and foremost, copyright laws and my respect for them. However, there is nothing at all preventing me from reviewing the Ebook and then posting my opinion of it. Even the quotes I take from the Ebook are protected under the Fair Use laws because I'm simply writing a review.

In fact, this blog almost demands I post a review of it and I will reveal this so-called "breakthrough miracle". So hang on; here 'goes....

Who's the Real Author?
One of the first things I noticed about Mark Anastasi's ridiculously priced Ebook isn't even contained in the content of the Ebook. It's in the document properties. While the File states the correct file name (how could it not?) the Title and Author fields have nothing to do with Mark Anastasi nor HIV/AIDS. The title apparently is really "A Letter to Diabetics Everywhere" written by one "Mudrika Bhudia". Although Mr. Anastasi thanks this Mudrika Bhudia in the book, a quick Google, MSN, Yahoo!, Dogpile.com, and Wikipedia search for "Mudrika Bhudia" yielded precisely zero results. Not a single one. So while I'm respectful of copyright laws, Mr. Anastasi doesn't seem to care very much.

Another sign of his lack of caring is the seeming different sources for the Ebook. From chapter to chapter, the writing style changes. I don't care enough to do a scientific study on the possiblity of different authors for each of the chapters but a simple read produces enough doubt for me. Most obvious to me is the different spellings of "disease"; in some places, it's "disease" and in others it's "dis-ease" complete with quotes. Does Mr. Anastasi think he's fooling anybody?

Pay for Free Information?
The Ebook is a complete waste of money as well as hard drive space. On Mr. Anastasi's web site, one can sign up and have a free report sent to you. 77 of the $97 Ebook's 81 pages (that's a massive 93%) are made up of the very same free report that Mr. Anastasi will happily send to you and other information from his various websites. Only a very small portion of the Ebook (a whopping four pages) mentions anything about HIV or AIDS. Since Mr. Anastasi has so many "Fill-in-the-Blank Breakthrough Miracle" Ebooks for sale, I can only presume that the only thing that changes from the HIV version to the Lupus, Cancer, Diabetes and Mutiple Sclerosis versions is that tiny section.

(He owns--or at least is the registrant--for a large number of hyphenated web sites such as www.health-answers.com, www.your--health.com (yes, with two hyphens), www.vibrant-life-and-health.com, www.health-ebooks.org and an untold number of others. (Search Google for "acts as an affiliate to Mark Anastasi's products." to see more. NOTE: As of July 18, 2006, these sites are mysteriously missing from that search. Some of the sites are still up and running; others are "Under Construction". Apparently, Mr. Anastasi has found a way to eliminate the sites from the search. However, a quick look-see at the site that hosts all of the style sheets for the sites (http://www.healthy--life.com/master_files; yes, with two hyphens.) yields some interesting details. Also, a quick Google search for "First, picture your body as a car," will yield other sites.) All of these essentially identical sites list as having cures Acne, Cancer, Eczema, Multiple Sclerosis, AIDS, Cholesterol, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue, Gout, Psoriasis, Athlete's Foot, Depression, Health & Energy, Weight-Loss, Asthma, Diabetes, Lupus, and Yeast Infection. And, to be fair, what he says about gout as being caused by eating too much meat is correct. But you don't need to pay $97 to know that by reducing the amount of red meat you ingest will reduce the incidence of gout. That's no miracle.)

Contradictory Admonitions
The "Disclaimer" in the book he sent me, "The AIDS/HIV Breakthrough Miracle", contains the following,

"Before beginning any practice relating to health, diet or exercise, it is highly recommended that you first obtain the consent and advice of a licensed health care professional.

"The author assumes no responsibility for the choices you make after your review of the information contained herein and your consultation with a licensed healthcare professional.

"None of the statements in this article or in the book have been evaluated by the Food & Drug Administration (FDA), or the American Medical Association (AMA)."

A standard Disclaimer. However, later in the book, Mr. Anastasi proceeds to attack the very "Heathcare Professionals" he suggests you go see. He says, among other things:

• "The pharmaceutical industry and medical establishment are doing EVERYTHING in their power to discredit 3,000-year old science, even going as far as lobbying the European Commission to pass laws banning vitamin and supplement companies!"
• "The medical monopoly or medical trust, euphemistically called the American Medical Association, is not merely the meanest monopoly ever organized, but the most arrogant, dangerous and despotic organization which ever managed a free people in this or any other age." (Actually part of a 7-page-long quote from "The Drug Story")
• "The medical profession and their pseudo-scientific dogma kills 250,000 Americans a year! They are the 3rd leading cause of death in the U.S!"
• "According to the American Medical Association, the half-life of the current medical education is 4 years. This means that a doctor leaving school today knows 50% more about medicine than someone who left 4 years ago. With so many patients to see, doctors rarely have time to further their education." (Emphasis in Original)

Is Mr. Anastasi bipolar and off his meds?

Pure Marketing
Mr. Anastasi is not a doctor; isn't a scientist and can't practice medicine. What he can do is call himself a specialist in "Online Marketing". No kidding. He's a marketing guy. It's obvious.

A friend of mine who was in the marketing department for a large electronics company used to joke, "I'm from Marketing. You can't believe a word that comes out of my mouth." That joke seems to be painfully real and prescient in Mr. Anastasi's case.

The Ebook seems to be nothing more than a written Multi-Level Marketing seminar. The most telling clue is this quote: "Chances are, the information I will be sharing with you over the next 7 days is unlike ANYTHING you will have ever come across in your life so far." Unless Mr. Anastasi knows that his Ebook will take seven days to read why even mention something about "7 days"?

Further, the Ebook uses the usual MLM technique of repeating the same damn information over and over and over. And the annoying overuse of "You see...." I know people write like they talk, but this is ridiculous!

Clueless Author!
He says that sugar is one of the things, along with Coffee ("pure acid", he says), drugs, nicotine, alcohol, and vinegar, that one should stop eating in order to be healthy. But, earlier in the very same section (Section III, "Nutrients") Mr. Anastasi advocates eating all types of berries (which contain sugar), beets (which, not surprisingly, is the source of beet sugar), and molasses (which is nothin' but sugar).

I'm pretty sure that he means to eliminate eating refined sugar. Why then does he advocate eating molasses which is a byproduct of processing sugar cane into granulated sugar? Regardless of what Mr. Anastasi means he is consistantly unclear and imprecise.

He also says, "you must Eliminate Your Ingestion of Unhealthy Fats & Oils, Animal Flesh, and Dairy Products." And then later on the very same page he says that "essential fatty acids" from "some types of fish are very good for you". Unless there has been some major reclassification of what constitutes an "Animal" these days, aren't fish an animal!? Oh, I know what it is; fish aren't cute and cuddly....

Further, in the tiny section actually dealing with HIV and AIDS, he tosses out a statistic that "95% of all AIDS cases occur in the poorest countries." He then launches into a greatly curtailed version of the tired old "HIV doesn't cause AIDS" and blames AIDS on the "inner terrain" of the person. (Most of the Ebook is devoted to talking about how "polluted" the cells--the "inner terrain"--of all of us have become in the past 50 years and how this "pollution" is the cause of all our problems.) However, the way of life in these "poorest" countries hasn't changed much in the past 50 years. They're still eating the same vegetables (raw and cooked) and the same types of meats they have for decades.

Does this guy actually read what he's writing?

Just because he says it doesn't mean it's true...
Throughout the Ebook Mr. Anastasi makes so many remarkable and unsubstantiated claims it's laughable. The Ebook offers no bibliography to identify any of his sources. The only conclusion is to assume that Mr. Anastasi has simply made up his statements. For example:

• "...Everyone has operated on the mistaken supposition that germs and viruses cause disease."
• "1 in 3 Americans get cancer, but only 1 in 7 American athletes get cancer. Why? Because athletes get a lot more oxygen flowing into their body!"
• "People with fatty, unhealthy diets are often tired and sick. You see, when there’s too much unhealthy fat (and toxins) in your system, your red blood cells stick together, they move more slowly, and as a result you get far less oxygen reaching your cells. Your cells then become weaker – some cells may even die or mutate. That’s why so many studies show high fat intake related to cancer."
• "Our bodies are NOT designed to eat meat!"
• "Milk is the most mucus-forming food you can imagine! The WORST part is, it covers the inside of your intestines and it hardens it like concrete! It coats the villi that absorb the nutrients, preventing them from performing their role!"
• "To really get the most out of your food, ... do not mix carbohydrates with proteins."
• "[Psoriasis and Eczema are] simply acid coming out directly through your skin."
• "AIDS is due to having a highly acidic and toxic bloodstream, where your white blood cells are overcome with toxins and morbid matter."
• "I have seen people go from being HIV-positive to HIV-negative within 30 days of starting to alkalize and energize by taking Dr. Young’s Supergreens™."

Early in the Ebook he actually quotes the Red Pill/Blue Pill speech from Morpheus in The Matrix as a way to drive his point home. I'm astounded that someone would try to use an entirely fictional story as a credible way of getting us to think like he does.

At the very end of the Ebook he lists various "services" he offers. And here they are:

• "Public Speaking
  $4,000 an hour
  Corporate events, seminars, exhibitions, conventions.
  
  
• The LifeQuest Corporate Health-Check
  $12,000 per consultation and delivery of training.
  Benefits: drastically reduce lost productivity due to sick days. Massively increase energy, creativity, and overall wellbeing of your staff.
  
  
• Live Forever Clinic
  $50,000 per intervention.
  Only 12 clients a year.
  The Live Forever Clinic is a London-based consultancy for high net-worth individuals interested in longevity extension and physical immortality.
  We use cutting-edge non-mainstream technology as well as esoteric principles to heal and rejuvenate.
  
  
• LifeQuest Healing Centers®
  $200,000 per franchise
  We are seeking investors to set up LifeQuest Healing Centers around the world, where patients will be treated and healed through natural means, as well as empowered about their health through education."
  

A "Live Forever Clinic"!?!? Please! (One wonders if Dick Clark is a client....)

Conclusion
Anastasi contradicts himself, makes unproven and ridiculous claims, apparently steals information from others, and tries to make us believe he's helping people. The only person he's really trying to help is himself.

The Ebook is badly written, poorly designed, poorly constructed, badly misinformed, and possibly harmful. It takes 81 pages to really just be an advertisement for eating raw foods. Yes, this "miracle breakthrough" is not much more than "Eat Raw Food and your Fill-in-the-Blank illness will go away."

Really, I could go on and on and on; I've completely bypassed whole sections. But I really think this is enough information for anybody to make up their mind about whether or not Mark Anastasi is on the up and up. I'm sure you can figure out what my opinion is.

Generic Alternative Medicine

Some time ago, a deluded little twit with the Yahoo! handle of tes_301 slinked into the chat room. Tes said that he/she/it/whatever had been had been cured of AIDS. It/She/He got a silly "body scan" or what she/he/it/whatever called a "natrix" text. She had no facts, just her/his/its made-up story. Tes never answered which tests were performed to verify the absence of HIV, never said which types of alternative medicine were used, and not even the question of what the viral loads had been.

After this nitwit had spewed crap into the chat room about bein' "cured", it went on to say that he/it/she needed to go and then lauched right into the usual "The medial [sic] profession does not wan [sic] you finding the cure for aids. [sic]" and that the medical profession is just trying to make money on those who are sick. I, naturally, pointed out that Alternative Medicine Practioners do the same thing. To which, Tes replied by logging off the chat room.

I LOVE it when logic squashes these dipshits!

(Oh, and Happy Winter Celebration of Your Choosing Should You Choose to Celebrate Anything or Happy Perfectly Ordinary Late December Day Should You Choose Not to Celebrate Anything!) (Sorry, jus' trying to be PC...)

Brain Worms from Second Generation HIV-infected Alien Chickens

No. Really. I mean it. The "King Technica" website ("Where God and Gay rhyme" and "where its [sic] God and Gay, ALL the Time!") has discovered an amazing truth. (And some really annoying music; turn down yer speakers before heading over there...)

Get the drum-rolls ready. Be ready for the cheerleaders. Fill up the water tanks.

Chickens are from outer space!!!

Cue the pyrotechnics! Cue the marching band!! Cue the fountains!!! Start the parade!!!!

No. Really. He means it. This creepy sweaty guy (yes, that's really a picture off his web site which states that all pictures are freely distibutable; even the ones he doesn't own and violated copyrights on by using them) really believes that chickens are alien animals from outer space. Since they're from outer space ("not of this Earth") they have to be cooked before being eaten. Which is why the aliens (whose name is "Sequoia" by the way; here I thought it was a tree!) brought chickens to Earth in the first place; to be used as food for us.

Z (his "Earthly name is Scott") says (and you'll notice the quotation marks), "Thus, when you f*ck around with chickens, you invite powers that are not of this Earth." He also seems to have a real big issue with the Catholic church. I don't really know where this nut-job gets his information but he also says, "Church messed around with dark energy by hurting chickens to pick the infectious fruits to kill sinners."

Voldemort? The "CHuRCH" is Voldemort!?? No wonder the Catholic church doesn't like Harry Potter.....

On second thought, I *do* know where this freak gets his information; from the aliens. I wonder if the computer he uses is in the common room of his ward....

So, anyway, on to the Second-Generation Infected Chicken Brain Worms.

The whole jist of this, truly the most bizarre shit I've come across for this blog, is this: "The parent chicken needs infected, then the offspring chickens need infected again, to produce a condition in chickens similar to Mad Cow's Disease. Scientists need to infect the chicken in such a way to force them to develop "BRAIN WORMS". The Cure to AIDS is found in those WORMS." I like how he says "is found" rather than "can be found" or "may be found". It's as if he's done the research (i.e., listening to the little crazy voices in his head) and actually discovered this to be true!

But, alas, it isn't. Reading further, "KingTechnica.com has sent emails to AIDS web sites but we need your help in getting this information to the AIDS RESEARCHERS. Scientists arent [sic] going to find the cure in any synthetic drug, because this isnt [sic] a synthetically created disease. It was CREATED by CHuRCH using CHICKENS and the spiritual principals of Voo-Doo. Sick." Well, he got one thing right; HIV/AIDS isn't a man-created disease. I have to give the insane guy that much.

He's lost it on so many levels but one kinda sticks out. His "Double Negative" crap. ("Crap" and "bullshit" don't really apply because this critter is so far gone it's a little sad...) He says that since the Church, uh, fucked with chickens (isn't that illegal in most states??) and created a double negative of Hurt and HIV, it's going to take a double negative to cure it. That's why the chicken brain worms need to come from the brains of chickens who are infected twice.

This all begs the question, "If Chickens are infected with HUMAN Immunodeficiency Virus, if it does anything at ALL, doen't it become AVIAN Immunodeficiency Virus?" ("OH NO!! BIRD FLU!!!")

But ya know, I can't help but wonder if the chickens are infected via intravenous drug use, a needle stick, or through unprotected sex...

(I've really only barely scratched the surface of this In-Need-of-therapy Guy. To get the full Dali-esque picture of this guy's lunacy (and I mean that in the truest sense of the word) I really do suggest you visit his site. Try not to laugh too hard; you might get a hernia...)

Selenium

In the article titled "Selenium Conquers AIDS?" over on http://www.alkalizeforhealth.net/Laidscure.htm Sam Burcher, a member or writer or someone affiliated with the wholely scientific science organization known as The Institute of Science in Society, states (or at the very least implies) that AIDS is caused by a low selenium levels in a person.

He really doesn't seem to know what he's talking about. He takes the shot gun approach ("Maybe one of these things will it the target...") and shoots out things like "The cause of progression of HIV to AIDS is still unknown" (which is bullshit).

He starts out by saying, "During the last decade, research has indicated an important geographical link between regions of selenium deficient soils and peak incidences of HIV/AIDS infection."

Yoo, hoo!!! Mr. Burcher-man!!!! The cause of one isn't necessarily the other!!! It's entirely possible (and almost completely ignored in the article except for one tiny anecdotal speck) that areas hit hard by HIV simply, by pure coincidence, have low selenium levels in their soil. To verify that, Mr. Butcher would actually have had to do some work and collect a LOT of soil samples preferably for a double-blind study to verify the correlation between low selenium levels and HIV infection.

(God, I'm out of practice... Four months of not doin' this has been rough...)

Signs of Life for the Blog

Finally, I'm out of excuses (and reasons) for not updating the blog every day again. All the utilities on the new house are finally in and, well, I should get back to calling bullshitters on their bullshit.

Look for daily updates in the very near future. Like a week or so...

UPDATE: Mark Anastasi

A continuation of the "Eating Raw Fruits and Vegetables" post....

I've recently been honored by an email message directly from Mr. Mark Anastasi. I can't say how pleased I was that my blog is getting more and more notoriety. Unfortunately, Mr. Anastasi didn't have very nice things to say about me. Here's what he wrote to me:

"Dear Bryan,

I have just checked out your blog on AIDS.

It is very unfortunate that you have fallen what [sic] the pharmaceutical industry's lies and medical establishment's pseudo-science.

I have attached a copy of my ebook, free of charge, and hope to educate you about what is REALLY going on.

This is bonafide GENUINE information.
You are doing a lot of people a disservice by advertising your ignorance.

Fair warning: I am going to instruct my lawyers to start legal proceedings against you by the end of the month unless your blog is removed, for defamation of character.

Best regards
Mark Anastasi"

Ok, I checked out my post ridiculing him. There's no "defamation of character". Nothing I say is a lie or false. Here's a hint to Mr. Anastasi: It isn't libel or slander if it's true...

I find it almost hysterical that he mentions the "medical establishment's pseudo-science". I challege Mr. Anastasi to produce independantly verified and published (in JAMA or similar journal) proof that what he says is true. I think I'll just sit here and wait for him to do so.

It may be "genuine information" but that doesn't mean it's true or right or correct or any number of other synonyms.

Regardless, I apprecaite his unsolicited mailing of his 3 megabyte .pdf file. I would love to pass it out to those who might ask; unfortunately, I can't. Not only would that be illegal (copyright laws, etc.) but the damn .pdf file is broken. I can't even open it myself. Oh, well...

And, Mr. Anastasi, your grammar stinks.

Administrative Note: Blog is still not dead....

This blog still is not dead nor dying; not even close. It's just taking me longer than I had anticipated to get the new home up and running.

On the plus side, I have discovered a few things. Most notably: Chickens are from outer space and, after a somewhat convoluted process, can help cure AIDS. Do you know how hard it is to not laugh while browsing the Internet in a Library?? I do...

(And, Crocodiles are a hot commodity these days; I get more people searching for crocodile crap (not literally) coming to this blog than anything else...)

Anyway, I thought I'd just give a little update. Give me another 2-4 weeks before I can start blogging every day again... (ugh!)

Administrative Note: Moving Day

Moving Day has arrived.

This blog is not dead; nor is it dying. The author has moved to a new location which doesn't have many of the modern conveniences of modern life. Such as electricity. Nor phone service.

But, don't fret! Both utilities will come in the future! It will take about two or three weeks for any regular posting to resume on this blog. It won't be every day for about a month or so after that.

There are still plenty of false claims of AIDS cures to keep this blog going.

If you would like to be notified when this blog resumes its daily postings, please send mail to aidscureblognotice@yahoo.com . I promise to never, ever, NEVER send any spam nor to sell your email address or even send you anything other than a notice that the blog has resumed daily postings. I fuckin' *HATE* spam!!!

Wish me luck in the wilds of California. I may need it!

Crocodile Fat

Apparently, crocodiles are amazing critters. If you pureé one up in a blender, you get the Antidote from earlier (See The Antidote (a.k.a., Extract of Crocodile). And, if you somehow get some crocodile fat away from said croc, you'll be able to cure all sorts of diseases! In both man and beast!!! Amazing!!!

Over on a message board trying to either prove or disprove the Antidote (Here's a hint; IT DOESN'T DO A DAMN THING!) some guy, gal, woman, man, kid, or old fart named Chris Swart says in a message that he has access to crocodile fat which he says has been used "with success" in treating both AIDS and cancer. By success I assume he means has cured.

And, wouldn't ya know it, Mr., Miss, Ms., or Mrs. Swart (I really don't know which.) has just that crocodile fat for SALE!! It's only $100 for 80ml, too! A bargain at, uh, free.... At $100 it's just another fuckin' rip off!

As to how it's supposed to work to cure cancer and AIDS I have no fuckin' idea. I suppose these fuckers that do this sort of crap think that if they come up with something that sounds really, really weird (ie. Noni Juice) or Folksy ("Tapping") or jus' plain nutty (Crocodile fat) people will believe anything they say about it. Fuckin' tools!

Aliens

No, not the illegal ones from across the border. (At least, I don't think it's those.) Taken from the Yahoo!Chat room, HIV/AIDS:1:

Zaxian: the ALIENS gave me the CURE TO AIDS and its posted on my website, the CHuRCH CREATED THE AIDS VIRUS (no kidding), Yahoo is blocking web links (how nice), so you have to manually type it in.... w w w . kingtechnica . c o m (no spaces) 80

I really wish I could get that site to come up!!! I keep getting "refused connection" errors. I'm guessing there's a DNS error somewhere in the world that's preventing this from loading. DAMMIT!

This fucker is just SO ripe for ridicule, I'm frothing at the mouth!

Sim Saie Badour

Don't bother Google-ing for it. Don't try Yahoo! to search for it either. Don't ask www.ask.com 'cause they won't know about it. Don't even think about Wikipedia, either. Don't try MSN, AOL, nor Netscape. In fact, as far as I can even tell, this very page you're reading now is the only mention of this thing on the entire internet. (No wonder nobody's ever heard of it. Must be good if nobody's heard of it...)

This "Sim Saie Badour", according to Yahoo!Messenger user "Waldo1112003", is a flower that grows in the mountains of Japan. He can get you the flower for yourself for a mere $5,000. However, for a couple extra credit points he does say that you pay him "when i come back and if it works". And by "works" he means that the HIV antibody test that used to show "positive" will show "negative". And all this in only "i year" from the time you start eating the flower.

Oh, the flower has to be kept at 102 degrees for it to be kept alive. Nevermind that the mountains of Japan get snow in winter; it's really warm Japanese Snow.

Waldo said that he had documented proof that this flower does cure AIDS and that he'd send it to me, but he never did. Unless he's out there right now trying to concoct it...

I told him, "Ok. You got me.... You go to Japan, get me a flower. Bring it to me, and I'll start eating it. If, within the year my HIV test results come up negative, you can have $5,000. Just email me when you return from Japan with the flower and I'll let you know how to get the flower to me. Then, I'll contact you at the end of a year and let you know if it worked or not." But he never responded. Even to the polite and charming, "Yoo-hoo!!!" I sent him. Guess I hafta go to Japan and play "Where's Waldo's Flower" on my own....

Administrative Note: Blog Slow-down

This blog is not dead, nor is it dying.

The author (ME!) is moving and will be without utility-supplied electricity for several weeks. Over the next week, you will notice a slow down in the frequency of posting these bogus cures for AIDS. After about a week of this slow-down, (around August 11, 2005) the posting will (probably) stop for a couple weeks. After those couple of weeks are up (around August 29, 2005), the posting frequency will pick back up. Though probably not daily. At the very least, once or twice a week.

Then sometime in September or early October (once the utility-supplied electricity starts), the daily posts will commence again. I have in no way run out of bogus cures for AIDS. In fact, I have at least seven sitting in my queue right now.

If you would like to be notified when the AIDS Cure of the Day™ returns to daily posting, please send me mail at aidscureblognotice@yahoo.com .

There will be no AIDS Cure for today. There will be one tomorrow.

God

Yes, but which god?? Zeus? Loki? Pelé?

No, today's cure is none other than the Generic Christian God. (I'll call him--or her, or them, or it--GCG for short...) Over on a web site for The Hallelujah Prayer Warriors a bunch of Southern Baptists claim that their little prayer circle is forcing the Generic Christian God to heal entire countries of AIDS. Yes, really.

They say, "A few years ago, a group of Christians in the United States of America began praying against AIDS." How does one pray "against" AIDS? Does anybody really pray in support of AIDS? I doubt these people really have any idea what AIDS is nor does. But, no matter... They're speaking to GOD!

They say to these poor, HIV-ravaged countries, "Turn to God, repent of your sins, receive Jesus Christ as your Saviour and ask God to heal your land."

Look, you damn baptists! If your Generic Christian God is all-seeing, all-knowing, and all-powerful and since your Generic Christian God will do what he, she, it, or they want to do, why do you presume so damn much to think that your itty bitty prayer group will do anything?? As best I can see, your prayer circle has only allowed you fuckers to become arrogant ("Our prayer group made God heal!"), self-righteous ("Our prayer group did more than your prayer group!"), and prideful ("Our Prayer Group gets results!").

STOP IT! Why don't you just admit that your prayer group does NOTHING except make its members feel like they're doing something? God will do what he (she, it or they) wants; a fucking prayer group won't sway God's opinion one way or the other. (Fucking baptists....)

(I believe God wanted me to write the above post. Including the swearing. If he hadn't wanted me to write it, he would have blown up my keyboard. He would have struck me down with lightening. He would have sent a power surge to my computer. He would have done something to prevent me from writing it. Since he didn't, I presume that it's God's will this message be posted on the Interent!)

Blood-letting

Throw that Time Machine into reverse! "Out with the old, in with the new!!" We're going to ancient Greece!!!!!

Back through Dr. Salk's time! Back through tuberculosis patients kept in Mammoth Cave! Back through the discovery of ether as an anesthetic! Back! BACK! Back beyond the discovery of the human skeleton! Back beyond the Middle Ages!! Back beyond Mary and Joseph in the barn!! Back all the way to 400 BCE.

Ah! Greece!! The time of Zeus and Hera! The time of Aphrodite and Hermes! The time of a whole bunch of bad information!

Look over there! The catapult has just been invented! There goes Socrates philosophising away! He doesn't know that next year he'll be killed by drinking hemlock. Poor fellow!

There's Hippocrates slicing open a vein in a guy to let out the bad blood; just like our buddy, Ashok T. Jaisinghani, thinks will cure AIDS. You'll remember Mr. Jiggywithit from the earlier post on Vitamin K.

This time, Mr. Jocularity is even offering a reward of 50,000 rupees to any doctor who can prove that blood-letting won't help AIDS at all! 50,000!!! That sounds like a lot, doesn't it! I bet I could buy a whole car with that!

After a quick trip to the calculator with today's exchange rate in hand, I discover that 50,000 rupees--that Oh-so-big-sounding number!--is really only about $1,100. Crap! I was hoping for a new car.....

Regarding this pittance of a reward, Mr. Jamababa says that "Only crazy persons would attempt to prove the impossible." Something tells me that Mr. Jiggerofwhiskeytoomany knows a lot about crazy people. You know... Being crazy enough to think that blood-letting will cure any infection, much less AIDS.

Mr. Jaundice goes on to complain about "multi-national companies" making money off of the "ignorant and panic-stricken AIDS patients" of India. And, while Mr. Jamminhandin here isn't asking for any money for his really, really bad advice he still is hurting people. The very same panic-stricken people he's trying to protect.

Finally, a person with HIV/AIDS has many, many frequent and regular blood tests. After all those trips to the phlebotomist; after all that blood is removed on a regular basis; after all of those little vials of blood are taken you would think--if blood-letting did anything--that somone, somewhere, at sometime would have been healed of AIDS.

UPDATE 2: The ParaZapper™

After a long and thoughtful evening, Mr. Etheredge has posted to the blog again. Again, my comments are in blue and bold.

Well Bryan, I am glad that you were able to fix one of your errors. I am also glad that our several thousand customers a year do not agree with you. (You're glad of that because your deceit is lining your pockets.)

Really, how can you say that [something is bullshit] about something that you have not tried? And you seem to do that a lot about a lot of things. It looks like your are representing the pharmaceutical companies because they are afraid of these products. Again, we have thousands of very happy customers. (I am not representing anybody other than me. You, on the other hand, are trying to get money from people who are desperate for a cure where none exisits. Test tube results don't always translate to real-world results. If you were anything remotely resembling a scientist you would know that. However, I'm getting the feeling you're one of those annoying marketing assholes.

And, if pharmaceutical companies are afraid of your bullshit like you say they are, why is that? Because of money? Please tell me how your selling your bullshit ParaZapper™ is *any* different from that?

Also, anecdotal stories are *not* proof. If you want to play the numbers game try this on for size: You may have thousands of happy customers but how many tens- and hundreds of thousands are happy with pharmaceuticals?)

As a matter of fact, on a university campus right close to you, there are several of our ParaZappers available for free use by HIV infected individuals. (Yeah? Which one? Why don't you say which one?)

I am told by the department head that the units are in high demand. We also sell a lot in your area to those who can afford their own after trying the free usage units. (Names; I want names! Cold hard facts, bubba! I want numbers! Who is the department head? Which department? C'mon! Stop being so evasive!)

You mentioned that we suggested our most expensive model for AIDS and HIV. It is refreshing to see the pharmaceutical companies charging aspirin prices for their AIDs medications. And so far, these medications work so well that ( heck, what are they having? 5-6 percent success? ). (Again, how is your charging a lot of money for your bullshit *any* different than what you're accusing them of doing!? The difference I see is that they have independantly verified proof that has been peer-reveiewed and you don't. Mainly because your bullshit simply doesn't work.

And, what do you define as a "success"? A verifiable and continued reduction in Viral Load? [Success rate: nearly 100% for pharmaceuticals] Absolute cure? [Success rate: 0% across the board because there is no cure for HIV nor AIDS.] Simply feeling better with no objective evidence whatsoever? [Success rate: Who knows?])

Also, We do not sell or promote Colloidial Silver, but I have heard of amazing results coming out of the University there. (Again, which university?? Colloidial Silver is bullshit. It didn't work in the 1980's and it doesn't work now.)

Regardless of what you may believe, ParaZapper works, and so does Colloidial Silver! (What do you define as "works"? Does your bullshit ParaZapper™ shoot the body with electricity? Sure; I have no doubt that it does. Does it do anything to viruses? No. If you think it does then maybe you can describe for me and everybody else how the electricity knows to differentiate between a normal body cell and a virus cell. Also, please describe, in detail, how it knows to only zap the harmful bacteria and not the good bacteria?)

So the next time you want to blast some product that you do not know sh-t about, think of this. If you bought a product that did not work, what would you do? First, get your money back. Second complain to the Better Business Bureau, Third complain to the FTC, and fourth, sue!.

1) We rarely are asked for a refund but always give it provided that terms are met. (And what are those terms? That it's returned the day after it's shipped unused and unopened and untouched by human hands? C'mon. If you *really* stood behind your bullshit product, you'd not have such a qualifier as "provided that terms are met.")

2) We have never had a complaint against us at the Better Business Bureau. (Are you a member of the Better Business Bureau? I don't see a single reference on your site about it, so I assume no; you're not. And, the BBB only registers complaints against its members. Your argument here is moot.)

3) We have never had a complaint filed against us at the FTC. (Perhaps your customers don't know they can complain to the FTC. Or, perhaps, the FTC doesn't have enough complaints on your product to bother with. Again, a moot point, bubba. Also, it would be the FDA that would be concerned about you since you're promoting cures that don't exist.)

4) We have never been threatened with a lawsuit. (That you know about. I'm sure lots of people threaten a lawsuit that the defendant knows nothing about.)

You might consider that a person who presents false information may end up hurting those who follow their suggestions. Some may die because you gave them uninformed thoughts! (The only one between us offering a false sense of hope is you. YOU are helping to let people DIE because YOU tell them that you have a cure when none exists. Don't go trying to get on your high moral horse with me, scum bag.)

Before you go out and blast products and people, find out the real truth. Talk to actual customers who have used the products which you obviously have not. (Again, anecdotal stories are not proof. Show me some actual peer-reviewed studies and publications in qualified medical journals that your bullshit ParaZapper™ does what you say it will and I will consider removing your crap from the web site. Until then, it stays.)

If ParaZapper did not work, then why would customers call and order more for other family members? (Anecdotal at best.)

Lastly Bryan, while you can mislead others out there who have not tried ParaZapper, you can not mislead our customers because they at least know the truth. Over 50 percent of our new customers come from seeing the results that someone else had. (Mislead? *I'm* misleading people!? How is pointing out that there is no cure for HIV and AIDS misleading people? How is calling your fucking bullshit on the carpet for the bullshit that it is misleading?)

ParaZapper is only one of over 50 companies that manufacture and sell parasite zappers. (And that makes it better some how? That makes you somehow immune to ridicule?)

It is estimated that between 50 thousand and 100 thousand units are sold a year and doubling every year. (Which is it? 50,000 or 100,000. That's a big difference. So, it's doubling every year, eh? If it doubled every year, every person on the planet would have one within 17 years of the first 50,000-unit year. Can you forward your sales figures which bear-up your outlandish statement? Didn't think so....)

Oh! and one last question. If our product is so bad, why do our customers not put up pages like this? (Maybe because they were embarrased to be taken in so completely by your bullshit. And, how do you know that your customers haven't put up a page like this? How do you know that I'm *not* one of your customers? Have you checked and asked each and every one of your 10,000-or so customers? Didn't think so.)

Mr. Etheredge, unless you provide cold, hard facts or an article in JAMA (or another qualified peer-reviewed medical journal) in any reply, comment, or post, this is the end of the conversation.

Shining a Light (or Two) on Your Torso

This is a photograph of a person having her (or his, I'm not really sure) Assemblage Point realigned using the Lux IV. According to Whale Medical's Very Badly Designed Web Page, "With all serious illness its location will almost always be found in an adverse position. In the case of serious misalignment, if the patient's Assemblage Point location is not moved back to a central location, the chances of recovery are drastically reduced - regardless of medication or therapies undertaken."

"What is this Assemblage Point bullshit?" you ask. It's a point just to the right of your breast bone. In women, it's higher than men. And, if that Assemblage Point shifts down.... well, you'd better get ready to die.

According to Jon Whale and his web site:

This is a dangerous, uncomfortable and distressing location indicated by very low mental and physical energy with acute psychological instability and physiological disturbances. Frontal brain energy will be low impairing the functions of the endocrine glands and organs. From this location it is virtually impossible to recover without realignment of the Assemblage Point. As the Assemblage Point's rear location or pivot point drops down from the shoulder blade area, muscular coordination becomes affected.

With this location, serious psychiatric or physical illness will often be present such as auto immune disease syndrome (A.I.D.S.), cancer, meningitis, cerebral thrombosis, apoplexy, clinical depression, post natal depression, myalgic encephalomyelitis (M.E. syndrome) and multiple sclerosis (M.S. syndrome).

Pay no attention to the fact they got the meaning of AIDS completely wrong (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome). Besides, I bet you thought AIDS was caused by HIV, didn't you? Bet you didn't know that it was caused by a shift in your Assemblage Point. I bet you didn't even know you had an Assemblage Point. See? I'm just here to educate!

So, to realign your Assemblage Point, you need to use the Lux IV. Which just shines colored light onto your body. They have all sorts of infrared pictures of "patients" after treatment showing greater warmth in the area "treated" with light. Nevermind that the light itself is probably causing the warm skin. Such obvious truths mean nothing to Mr. Whale!

Regardless, the light that Mr. Wacko uses is filtered through crystals, gems, and colored gels. Why? I don't know. I suppose to make it pretty. And to give the impression that something is actually happening when it really isn't.

Note to Jon Whale: AIDS is caused by HIV and can't be helped--in any way--by shining light on a person's body. No matter how many purty colors of light are used.

(The highly clinical photograph earlier in this post was taken from http://www.whalemedical.com/ap1.html and then cropped.)

UPDATE: The ParaZapper™

One David Etheredge has taken me to task on his bullshit ParaZapper™. Reproduced here is his comment on my ParaZapper™ post. I make my comments in Bold and Blue:

Dear lacking in knowlege and intelligence, (That's a good way to make friends.)

Of all things, besides being a complete idiot, you are a complete liar. (No, you are the liar, you nit-wit. Lying implies deceit or intent to deceive. I made a simple error in who owns the trademark to ParaZapper™; which, by the way, is still bullshit no matter who owns the trademark. I in no way intended to deceive who owned the trademark. You, however, *are* intending to deceive with your bullshit.)

First, Dr. Clark Does not own, have any interest in, or any involvement with ParaZapper!

I am the owner of the trademark ParaZapper and I am the design engineer who creates all of the products owned by the company Para Systems and Devices, LLC. These are based on her design but are improvements beyond. (Fair enough. However, you really should learn how to make complete sentences before you go blasting away at people.)

None of the ParaZapper sites are Dr. Clarks and she does not get any money or any thing else from us except an occasional letter thanking her for her efforts. (So, she gives away her books on her fake cures for all diseases? She has no vested interest in trying to get people to electrocute themselves to abate their cancer?)

Additionally, Dr. Clarks zapper is free to build yourself and there are published schematics all over the internet for various models.

While we do offer our products as available for HIV and AIDS infected individuals we do not offer them as a cure. We also have a money back guarantee. (Oh, come now. Don't insult my intelligence. You say that HIV and AIDS may be caused by parasites and, all over your web site, you also say that your ParaZapper™ kills the parasites that make one ill. How can you keep that information completely insulated from each other? C'mon!)

We also do not suggest that anyone use the ParaZapper in place of any medication. (Nice way to cover your ass in the event you get sued by anybody who's harmed by your bullshit. You must sleep really, really well at night.)

For your information, ParaZapper is being tested at a major US university and does show a reduction of viral load in many but not all cases. (Yeah, yeah. Which "major US university"? Yale? Certainly not. MIT? Doubtful. College of CowFart, Alabama? Probably. Who's doing the testing? What department? What's the person's name? What's their specialty? When did they start testing? When do they expect to finish?)

As for the individual who told the Yahoo chat room visitor that ParaZapper was BS, which model did that well advised person buy and use that made him such an authority? (I'm *extremely* pleased that you recognize that the person who says your ParaZapper™ is bullshit was well-advised! Now, if you could just stop saying that your bullshit device will actually help people... Naw, that might cut into your revenue stream....)

Mr. Etheredge, thank you for your comments. You have allowed the world (Or at least the readers of this blog) to see what kind of asshole you really are. And, next time you want to go galavanting around the internet and calling people liars, you should probably look yourself in the mirror before you go throwing stones in your glass house.

While the ParaZapper™ is still bullshit, I have corrected the original ParaZapper™ post to reflect who actually owns the trademark.

Tapping Spots on Your Body and Thinking Happy Thoughts

I'm going to go out on a limb for this one. While today's bullshitter never actually says that his crap will cure AIDS, he doesn't deny it either. In fact, he calls this process a "Universal Healing Aid." The asshole says that his "Universal Healing Aid" has helped--either completely or partially--the thousands of problems, including "Headaches, back pain, stiff neck and shoulders, joint pains, cancer, chronic fatigue syndrome, lupus, ulcerative colitis, [and] psoriasis." The dickwad further states that "There are many, many more [physical ailments]. A complete list is several times as long." What a dick!

And now, the Bullshit!

Today's cure (for everything, no less) comes from the website of Gary Craig. He says that just by tapping specific points on your body in sequence and thinking that you're still a wonderful person, you can cure primarily emotional problems. Which is probably why he calls it "Emotional Freedom Techniques". (Or, EFT. And I thought it meant "Electronic Funds Transfer." Silly me!!) He goes on to mention that several people have had their physical ailments aleviated.

Of all the stupid things he says, this one caught my eye. He says that a woman attended one of his overpriced seminars (they'd be overpriced even if they were free) who had vision problems. After doing the tapping and thinking, she said that her vision had cleared! How's that for completely unprovable!?! How's that for an asounding lack of proof???!!!

My guess is that his positive thinking process (which is what this really is) really can work on some emotional problems. However, Mr. Craig (who makes a point of saying he's an ordained minister; being ordained isn't difficult to get done) realized that he needed to bilk more money out of more people so he could make the payments on his yacht. Therefore, he started inferring that people could cure their physical problems (lupus, for example) through his bullshit.

This bullshit is no different than faith healing. The big difference here is that to attend one of Gary's bullshit sessions, you gotta pay him for the honor. Upwards of $200 or more. (He says that he's currently offering a 1/2 off discount for his upcomming tapping crap. Which means, he really wants to charge $400.) This fucker is just another asshole out to get more money from people who are desperate enough to part with it.

Vitamin K

Yep. Vitamin K. That thing that they put into Olestra products to help with--well, there's no polite way to say this--anal leakage. Ok, maybe that was the polite way to say shit oozing uncontrollably from your ass...

This guy, Ashok T. Jaisinghani, got at least one thing right; Vitamin K does indeed help with clotting blood. However, after that, everything goes downhill. Fast.

Mr. Jaisinghani keeps mentioning "Diarrheal AIDS" but never really actually defines what that means or is supposed to mean or what it means in his little head or what. He also seems to think that AIDS is caused by (among other things):

1. Excessive intakes of laxative factors like iodine, vitamin D, chromium, zinc, manganese and magnesium;
2. Phosphoric acid used in foods and drinks, especially cola beverages;
3. Residues of petroleum products like hexane in cooking oils and fats;
4. Paraffin used as a coating on fruits and vegetables, and as a laxative in medicine;
5. Castor oil that is a contaminant in cooking oils and fats, and foodgrains;
6. Aspirin;
7. and Tea.

You'll notice a distinct lack of HIV or even any iota of a mention or suggestion of anything scientific or anything else of the sort. So you know Mr. Jaminghandi is on the up and up...

In regards to tea, Mr. Jiggywithit says, "The consumption of many cups of strong tea can also cause AIDS in susceptible persons like hemophiliacs." And, in a direct contradiction of the Garlic Guy from earlier, he says that garlic can cause AIDS, too. Where the FUCK does this god damn idiot get his information!? He doesn't even have any deceitful testimonials! Surely, anybody in this fake cure business needs to have testimonials to be taken seriously!!! (Of course, I don't take any of this bullshit seriously. It's all just that; bullshit.)

Anyway, the fat soluable Vitamin K helps with blood clotting. In fact, it's essential for it. However, blood clots have absolutely nothing to do with AIDS or even HIV infection. And, making sure your blood clots correctly isn't going to kill any virus in your body.

Whatta maroon. Whattan ignoramus!

The Beck Protocol (Part 4; Ozonated Water)

Finally, we get to Part 4, "Drinking freshly ozonated water"

Note the word "fresh". It's gotta be fresh. None of that old, stale crap you got by shaking your water bottle. Oh, no. That's too old for the Bullshit Beck Protocol.

And, how does one get freshly ozonated water? Wouldn't ya know it!? They have an ozonator for sale on the usual Beck Protocol web site. (Is there any doubt now that these fuckers are more out for your money than your health??)

And all this shit is just arbitrary, anyway. Absolutely no science behind this "Protocol". This "drinking freshly ozonated water" crap was added to the protocol, well, after realizing that they needed another way to bilk money out of people. Ok, ok; that isn't what they say. They say it was added when this Bob Beck fuck heard that people were having trouble releasing "toxins" (Always with the toxins!! Oy!) from the body and Mr. Beck decided that drinking water with oxygen in it (which already has oxygen; it's the O part of H₂O....) would help flush toxins. But I don't believe them.

So, that's it for the Beck Protocol. Electrify your silvernated blood while electrocuting your tissues and drinking water. What fuckin' nim-rod would try to pass this bullshit on as a cure for AIDS. (Oh! Mr. Bob Beck!) And why the hell won't people realize that testimonials are not proof? Le sigh....

The Beck Protocol (Part 3; Ionic/Colloidal Silver)

Part 3 of the Beck Protocol is "Drinking Ionic/Colloidal Silver".

"What the hell is Ionic/Colloidal Silver?" you ask? As best I can tell, it's water with itty bitty bits of silver in it. Of course, the assholes at the usual website for this Beck Protocol shit have a device which you can buy to make your own Ionic/Colloidal Silver. Basically, it's two electrified silver wires stuck into purified water of various temperatures. I think the theory is that then little bits of silver leave the wires and then infuse the water.

They mention that you can help speed up the process by putting salt in the water. But that can make larger particles of silver which they admit can be dangerous.

So, these fuckers are actually admitting that their bullshit can be harmful! Kudos! However.....

The most telling evidence against the Beck Protocol comes from their own site. In the Newsletter section several links are provided to, well, their newsletters. In Newsletter #4, it states:

When six individuals contacted us within a span of six weeks to say a PCR test (polymerase chain reaction) for HIV showed their viral load had gone up—some
considerably, after using The Beck Protocol for four to eight weeks—we knew it was time to take a closer look at the PCR test.

What the fuck?? Blame the test for the failed results of your bullshit Protocol?? That's like sayin' you got an F in English 101 so you blame the grading system!! It fucking makes no god damn sense! They already admit their bullshit can be dangerous! Why not jus' take a step back from that and say it DOESN'T FUCKING WORK!?

These people quote various "cases" where any one of the elements of the Bullshit Protocol appear to have helped people. But, like all other testimonials, these are nothing more than anecdotal evidence. And very poor anecdotal evidence at that.

In Newsletter #6, they report the various test results this Silverized water on water taken from a toilet. (ICK!) In test number three they note that continusouly boiling the toilet water while making the silverized water completely killed all bacteria (They call it a CFU) and prevented the CFU from forming after being stored for 10 months.

Apparently, they think the boiling hot water has nothing to do with the destruction of the CFUs. They credit it all to their collodial silver bullshit.

Look, boiling water for 10 minutes (or so) is the recommended way to sterilize water if you think it's been contaminated. Common sense says that these fucker's results on drinking this possibly harmful silverized water has nothing to do with the actual itty bitty bits of silver in the water.

From the Icky File: The Sputnik

In reviewing today's cure, I came across this immensly disgusting electronic medical "device". It's called the Sputnik. It's a little pill with electronic stuff inside that you swallow. After it hits your body fluids, it starts zapping away at you. It continues zapping you with electricity while it passes through your intestines.

And, how do you get the little thing out of your body? Well, like most things you stick in your mouth, it comes out your ass. Covered in shit. Fecal matter. Hepatitis C virus. That sort of thing.

The makers say you can use the Sputnik up to three times. You retreive the pill, cleanse it and then reingest it.

Yes. Retreive is a very polite way to say, "Dig it out of your shit". (They suggest using a seive to retrieve it. Which means, of course, "Taking a dump into a strainer") Cleanse it means, "Try to get the shit off of it". Reingest means, "Stick that old, shitty plastic thing you just dug out of your shit into your mouth and swallow."

No, they don't claim that swallowing a shit-covered pill will cure AIDS, but this was so disgusting I had to say something about it...

The Beck Protocol (Part 2; Magnetic Pulsing)

A.K.A., Magnetic pulsing for tissue electrification. Whatever that is....

I'm still not sure exactly how this, uh, "procedure" is supposed to work and I'm still not sure how Bob Beck's Magnectic Pulser is supposed to work. I suppose I could buy the asshole's book but (1) I don't have the extra money to throw away on something like that and (2) I just don't want to give this fucker any money.

What I've been able to glean from various web sites about this Bullshit Protocol is this: Since HIV harbors itself in lymph nodes and other assorted tissues in the body, one needs to electrify those tissues to kill the HIV virus. (Again, I just don't know how the electricity knows to only kill the cells you don't want. Maybe the device produces "Smart Electricity"; I just don't know....)

One way to electrify your tissues (which, as I understand my biology, are already electrified) is with the Magnetic Pulser. Naturally, you can buy a Magnetic Pulser from the money-hungry slime at yesterday's web site.

The electrodes can be placed anywhere on the body to electrify your lymph nodes; at least that's what they say. Will the lymph nodes in your neck be electrified if you put the electrodes on your big toe? Physics be damned, they also state as fact, "A variant, pulsed electromagnetic field creates the necessary microcurrents of electricity in the lymph or tissue." As I remember my physics, something--a coil, perhaps--has to MOVE through the electromagnetic field to create an electric current? Jus' sticking a static electromagnetic field on something doesn't create electricity. And, since the end result is supposed to be electicity anyway, why go through all the bullshit of making an electromagnetic field in the first place?

Magnet therapy does nothing. It's just an expensive refrigerator magnet you stick somewhere on your body. And this Pulsed Electromagnetic Field isn't going to create any type of electricity and, if it did, you would have to put the electrode thingies at least close to the tissue you want to electrocute. If electromagnetic fields did do something--anything!--people who work on high voltage power lines would either be very, very sick or very, very healthy.

The Beck Protocol (Part 1; Microcurrent Blood Therapy)

The Beck Protocol comes in four apparently arbitrary parts. (Since there is no known cure for AIDS, almost all of this bullshit is arbitrary.)

The four parts are:

1. Microcurrent therapy for cleansing the blood
2. Magnetic pulsing for tissue electrification
3. Drinking ionic/colloidal silver
4. Drinking freshly ozonated water

Which means, of course, putting metal into your body and then shocking yourself. And that just seems plain stupid. Regardless, I'll take on Part 1 today and the remaining parts probably over the next three days.

So, on with "Microcurrent therapy for cleansing the blood"!! Whatever the fuck that means.

Walking hand in hand with the ParaZapper™ (ParaZapper™ is a trademark of ParaDevices, Inc. and it's also bullshit; So much so that as of August 2006, the FDA has shut down ParaDevices' operation of selling "zappers".) Bob Beck has decided that sticking a couple of electrodes on yer wrist will electrify the blood and kill stuff. Including viruses such as HIV.

What I want to know is how the electricity knows to only kill the virus cells and not any of the good cells. But that would require actual research and useless crap like that. Regardless, if you want to know how to electrocute yourself with the Beck Protocol, you'll have to buy the book on how to make one of the bullshit devices.

And, be sure to read the testimonials. This part really pisses me off. They say on that testimonial page that the government (which government? The Internet Government??) has decided that testimonials are misleading. No!? REALLY?? That's about the only good thing these fuckers have to say. If you want to read these false and misleading, non-scientific, non-proof providing testimonials, you'll have to buy the book because, as these fuckers at The Beck Protocol say, "you make a conscious choice as to whether you want to be exposed to testimonials."

They out and out fucking DODGE putting anything real on their fuckin' site! And, if you want to see what they have to even suggest, you'll have to give them your hard-earned cash to read a bullshit-filled book. FUCK! Just another bunch of mother fuckers trying to rip cash out or your wallet!

Having Been "Enabled" to Heal One's Self

Here is the full and complete text of today's ridiculous claim. It was taken--lock, stock and barrel--from http://www.geocities.com/hailalodi/aids.html .

Dr. Revici found another method of healing AIDS. He found that if he enables the patient to heal him or herself, then they would be able to overthrow the virus. His system requires the patient to be very involved and responsible for their treatment. This includes constant monitoring and charting.

I have no fucking idea in the damn world what this fuckin' Dr. Revici means by that. How is this "enabling", uh, enabled. Can the not-so-good doctor simply call you on the phone and say "You can heal yourself!" and--voila!--you're healed? Does this "enabling" start a coup in your blood stream and cause all the little HIV viruses to leap out? Does the paitent have to really constantly monitor him- or herself? As in, sitting next to a, uh, monitoring device 24 hours a day?

I would hope that this "cure" actually does involve more than jus' being told you can heal yourself. But that doesn't change the fact there is no known cure for AIDS. This fuckin' non-doctor hasn't done a thing.

Ok, ok. I just spent 14 hours in a car picking up something I'd bought on E-bay. I'm tired. Today's had to be an easy one. And, this is by far the easiest crap bullshit I've taken on.

Garlic

This comes from a whole slough of herbal bullshit from a guy calling himself Dr. Richard Schulze. And I'll take on more of his bullshit in the future; it's just FAR too much to tackle in one day.

No, he's not a doctor; he's an asshole. And he's a happy asshole. And he points. (How fuckin' rude!) He's never even set foot inside a medical school. (At least according to his own biography.) It's stated on his biography regarding a clinic he had, "He knew he had to be inconspicuous to avoid legal prosecution for treating people with diseases." Could that possibly be because he doesn't fucking have a god damn medical degree and calling himself Doctor!?? If he had a PhD, I might excuse it, but he doesn't. His clinic was raided and he was arrested. However, he says he escaped jail on a technicality. (Does that mean he admits he was doing something illegal????) And, finally, "He closed his clinic." (No shit, Sherlock!)

He believes that people can and should live hundreds of years. He cites the Bible as proof; and thinks we can all achieve living to 500 years old if we just, well, do what he says. (Personally, I think the 500+ year life spans seen in the bible actually refer to cycles of the moon, but that's not the point here...)

Anyway, here's my methodolgy for stickin' jus' plain ol' garlic as this cure. Non-Doctor Schulze says on his Index of Ailments page that one should follow his New Incurables Program to rid one's self of AIDS. On that New Incurables page is a section on garlic which states, in part, "If you do only one program or use only one herb, it should be Garlic." (He goes on to mention vaginal insertion of garlic to cure infections and cure cancer. YIKES! Does he hate women!?) Anyway, that's why I'm focusing on garlic today.

So, Garlic is an "herbal surgeon". Can it take out an appendix? Does it do biopsies? Is it on call on holidays and weekends? And you're supposed to get the garlic in you any way you can. He even goes so far as to imply a suggestion for a garlic smoothie. (All organic, of course.)

I can't help but wonder how this affects a very-high-risk group. HIV Positive Vampires. (Or, HPV. Wait, that's something else...) As everybody knows, vampires are repelled by garlic but, if they can get cured by using garlic what kind of quandry does that put them in. Enquiring minds want to know!

And, if garlic was such a damn good cure-all, why do Italians get sick? Why, oh WHY does logic not seem to occur to these assholes?! I don't think critical thinking was in their course work in school. Of course, this fucker, "Dr." Schulze never went to a real college; he only went to the school of a "famed herbologist". Fucker.

Finally, I think it would be fantastically easy to figure out if someone is trying this "cure". The odor would be astounding....

(Dr. Asshole's picture taken from his biography page at the URL and link earlier in this post.)

Looking at a Picture

Yes, it's even nuttier than Bouncing on a Trampoline and requires absolutely no phycial activity. Today's cure requires nothing more than staring at and thinking about a picture of this guy, Gurudev Shri Ram Lal Siyag, a yoga master.

However, this isn't the picture you're supposed to use. The one you're supposed to use is over on another page which also tells you how to meditate (i.e., think). Among other things, you're supposed to actually pray to this guy. That oughta piss off at least a couple Christians, Catholics, Baptists, Mormons, and Protestants!!

I don't know if you can jus' look at the picture on your computer screen or if it needs to be printed on black velvet and hung right next to the picture of Elvis on the wall or what. Regardless, apparently, a Mr. J. Sampatraj and a Mr. Badri Narayan, both of India only meditated on a picture of Gurudev here and were cured of AIDS.

Really! They say so on Gurudev's Web site!

(Yeah, I know. On that page, the first case shows a Viral Load of less than 50. They say that's cured but it isn't. It just means that there is too little virus to count. Must be a real doctor providing the information, eh??)

I suppose there isn't really a whole not more to say on this matter. It's just another New Age Bullshit way to think you're doin' something when you're not doing anything.

Anyway, this is another case of someone actually doing more harm than good by his "cure." If he's convicing people that all you need to do is look at his picture, meditate and you'll be magically cured of AIDS, he's causing people to not take medications (that can actually help save their lives) and causing their dimished health and ultimate death. He's another one that should be ashamed.

(Gurudev's mildly creepy picture taken from http://www.the-comforter.org/.)

Juice Plus+®

Contrary to what you might think this product is, it isn't a juice. It isn't even liquid. It's a pill. (I guess that's what the "+" is.)

Over at a website (Proposed Natural Treatment for AIDS) several "cures" and treatments for AIDS are listed. Number 8 on the list is this confusingly named "Juice Plus+^®". And the obviously convincing statement that one person has been cured of AIDS by only taking this product. (That's good enough for me! Let's ridicule it!!!!!)

According to the Juice Plus Website, this non-juice juice-like tablet ("The next best thing to fruits and vegetables") is "the convenient and inexpensive way to add more nutrition from fresh, raw fruits and vegetables to your diet, every day." Funny that a four month supply of this thing retails for $179. Doesn't seem all that inexpensive to me. But I'm funny that way.

Not only will Juice Plus+^® cure you of AIDS (provided that you're the one person they claim it did) it will detox and cleanse you, too! (Does it do windows?)

Well, that's about it. Since the first web site doesn't give a whole lot of information and the second just bullshits its way through a couple pages, I don't have a lot to ridicule. I'll have to try harder next time....

(Oh, to avoid getting my ass sued off, I think I gotta do this: "Juice Plus+^® is a registered trademark of NSA International, Inc." whoever the fuck they are....)

Eating Raw Fruits and Vegetables (I guess)

The fuckin' asshole promoting today's cure is starting to really piss me off with the spam he's sending me so here' goes....

Today's Fucker, Mark Anastasi never actually says what his fucking cure is but alludes to "alkalizing and energizing". I presume from the other shit coming from the fucker's mail box that he means eating raw fruits and vegetables.

Typical of the style of spam Mr. Anastasia sends, there's a fuck-load of hyperbole and rhetoric that really doesn't say a damn thing. It all leads down to "BUY MY E-BOOK FOR $97!!!". Who in their right fuckin' mind would pay $97 for a friggin' E-book???

Mr. Anashitsi here says his mission is "To add massively to the sum of happiness and wellbeing in the world", whatever the fuck that means. I presume it means adding to the sum in his already swelling bank accounts.

The crap-filled E-Mail report he send out on his "The Truth About HIV/AIDS" starts out with the usual,

"None of the information contained in this eBook is intended to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease, nor is it intended to prescribe any of the techniques, materials or concepts presented as a form of treatment for any illness or medical condition."

But then goes right ahead and tells you (or, at the very least, infers) how you can prevent, treat, and cure AIDS. (Eating raw fruits and vegetables.)

According to his own web site, Mr. Ashitsi is "a public speaker and entrepreneur specializing in the areas of Health & Nutrition and Online Marketing." No kidding. So, he's not a doctor but proposes to know, not only the real cause of AIDS (the ubiquitous "toxins") but how to get rid of it. And, even says that he's seen people go from HIV Positive to HIV Negative in 30 days. Whatta fuckin' tool!

He's only out to make a quick and easy Sucker-buck on his AIDS Breakthrough. Which really isn't his to begin with. It's really from some Dr. R. O. Young. But, the upshot is, according to the spam Mr. Ashittinyu sends, "You MUST be alkaline". And, no, he doesn't give any information on how he wants you to be alkaline. You gotta pay $97 to figger out that....

Don't sign up for his fucking E-Mail report; don't buy his fucking E-book. However, go ahead and eat more fruits and vegetables; you'll feel better. You won't be cures of HIV nor AIDS nor cancer nor diabetes but you will feel better.

(There. Now I can get this fuckin' asshole out of my Inbox.... And, to let you know what kind of person this mouth-breathing fucker is, he doesn't even try to pretend that he's not trying to sell you something. When you try to unsubscribe from the mailing list you never signed up for, it's called the "AIDS Sales Page".)

The Antidote (a.k.a., Extract of Crocodile)

No, I don't know what that means, either.

They call it, "The Antidote"; a Biological Miracle. This crap "is a unique Anti-Microbial Peptide offering the widest range of healing power on the market today. It kills all known deadly VIRUSES and BACTERIA in the body." Nevermind the fact an antidote is used to counteract poisons; such distinctions and actual definitions aren't appropriate for these people.

But no matter; they claim that with the Antidote, "The common cold is a thing of the past, even serious infectious diseases such as Cancer, HIV, SARS and many other life threatening diseases can be helped by the miracle healing powers of the Antidote." (Apparently, they've not only found a cure for cancer, they've also discovered that cancer is an infection and is caused by a virus and/or bacteria. Who knew!!???)

I don't know how they extract it, either. Do they put a whole crocodile in a blender and switch to Puree? Ice Crush? Hold a specimen jar underneath a certain part of the crocodile?

Anyway, they want you to have this all-inclusive crocodile puree but "The Antidote is only available from Biologicalmiracle.com's Internet website". Not because they want to bilk desperate people out of money but because drug companies don't want you to have it because they "would be losing billions every day if this product was on the shelf next to their major brands." (Uh, wouldn't the Drug Company™ that made, marketed, and sold this thing be making billions if it actually worked??? But that would require that pesky FDA approval process and clinical trials and such...)

Oh, but WAIT! They have a clinical trial. It lasted for about a month in Puerto Rico and involved, as best I can tell, 12 people. Well! That's good enough for me! Screw the FDA! Screw the facts! Screw testing!!! Bring on The Antidote! Oh, wait. That's supposed to be the Antidote. (Why the hell do they put it in red and bold like that? Does that lend some sort of non-existant credibility?)

And doesn't any company that makes a drug become a Drug Company by default?? Again, that deals with pesky definitions and such... We have no time for, you know, facts and bullshit like that....

While they don't tell you how much the Croc Juice costs on the web site (it's $49.95 a bottle) it comes in 5ml bottles. Yes, $10 per cc. (Ok, if you want to split hairs, it's $9.99 a cc)

Finally, they keep taking pains to point out that it's a peptide made from "a Natural Protein made up of Amino Acids." I'm no biologist but I always thought that proteins were always amino acids.

So, make friends with Steve Irwin! Cure all that ails you (unless it's a fungus) with a Crocodile smoothie! (Can I have mine with a margarita?)

Bouncing on a Trampoline

This has got to be about the nuttiest thing I've come across.

Reboundology. The study of bouncing. Boingy, boingy. Boingy.

Sometime ago, this guy (a "reboundologist"; one who studies bouncing) bounced into the HIV/AIDS:1 chat room on Yahoo!Chat and proclaimed to the world (or at least the 30 or so of us in the chat room) that by simply bouncing on a trampoline one could cure him- or herself of AIDS. But not only AIDS! According to the bouncing moron's web site bouncing on a trampoline will cause "just about everything docotrs deem as 'incurable' or 'chronic,' including arthritis, asthma, cancer, chronic fatigure, diabetes, lupus, and multiple sclerosis" to "disappear on its own with nothing more than rebound exercise combined with a healthy diet." And, by his own personal story, bouncing around like a twit will also reverse the aging process! (Eva Gabor would be so proud. And so would Ponce de Leon....)


(Since the bouncing asshole hasn't been able to master the art of typing into a web editor and finds it easier to put text on the web in an IMAGE, I've reproduced that image here; just in case he's able to pull his head out of his ass long enough to learn to use "Notepad" and decides to use text in the future. The links on the image here won't work, but the ones on the web site will.)

Exactly how this bouncing thing works, I'm not sure. But I assume it somehow jiggles the little evil things causing all these problems (you know, your genes, dna, viruses, bacteria, etc.) to somehow bounce--boing!--out of the body. Or I guess it might work like those little gopher chasers that don't work. Or if by combining yesterday's cure with this one you can double the chances of making at least one of the fucking fake cures work.

What the HELL are these people thinking!? BOUNCING cures AIDS and cancer!?! Are cancer cells like magnets that, when realigned by jiggling, somehow get destroyed!? Is HIV somehow unable to find a CD4+ cell to infect if they're both bouncing 20 minutes a day? What the FUCK!!???

This fucker is just out to make a buck. Yeah, he's got a semi-inspirational story but it's bullshit! He's got books, and video tapes and, of course, the trampoline you can buy from him to "bounce your way back to health".

Now, yes, exercise is good. Without it, we'd all probably just turn into couch monkies sitting and doing nothing. Getting fatter and fatter. And I do think that everybody should exercise more and eat better. (I know I should.) But bouncing on an itty bitty trampoline ain't gonna cure anything and very well might make you nauseous. And, if memory serves correctly, these little trampolines were also sold as an exercise device back in the primitive 1970's. They didn't do much then, and they don't do much now.

But, one thing's for sure, though. If Bouncing on a Trampoline cures all sorts of diseases, The Juggies over on The Man Show will never get sick.

Drinking Water (Shaken, Not Stirred)

Yes, you read that correctly. Drinking water can cure AIDS. The water is prepared by shaking it in a bottle. It is then ingested.

Who knew!? Who knew that by shaking your little Crystal Geyser, Evian, or even your Perrier bottles before drinking the water you could cure a horrible viral condition like AIDS. Oh, and herpes, hepatitis, Epstein Barr, and even cytomegalovirus (CMV). So, since CMV Retinitis can cause one to go blind, all you have to do to restore your vision and stop CMV Retintits from progressing is shake your water bottle. To stop hepatitis from destroying your liver, drink water! To rid your body of shingles (i.e., herpes zoster) shake that water bottle!!

"Shake shake shake! Shake shake shake! Shake your water! Shake your water!"

About midway down http://cure4all.info/cure4aids/HyperBloodOxygenation.html(which deals with, among other bullshit, drinking diluted hydrogen peroxide) it states in the "Hydrogen Peroxide in Nature" segment "By just shaking a bottle of water vigorously for a while you can tuck enough extra oxygen into it to form detectable amounts of H₂O₂ [hydrogen peroxide], improving its purity, flavor and vitality."

(I wonder if you can jus' go get on a trampoline after drinking a quart of water that you forgot to shake.... Or, if a martini is good enough...)

Water is necessary for life. One can live for days and days without food but only a short while without water. As I'm sure you know, the human body is comprised mostly of water. (And, having juiced my first carrots in my juicer the other day, carrots contain a surprising amount of water, too. But I digress.) And while simply shaking your bottle of water before drinking it may form some H₂O₂ in the bottle, it won't get a chance to interact with HIV in the blood stream since there's no blood in the stomach. (Unless there's something else horribly wrong. Then, you should go to the ER...) Yeah, I know there are some nutrients that are passed into the blood stream through the stomach lining but where are the studies about H₂O₂ passing, unchanged, into the blood? And, if oxygen is released when the H₂O₂ hits "pathogens" in the stomach, why isn't it jus' burped out?

All I can see that this would do is give you gas; and that web site gave it to me bad... >URP!<

UPDATE: Having a Hand Waved in Your Face

In hunting around the internet (as I sometimes do), I came across the web site for the Association of People Healed of Aids and Cancer. It's primarily for those "healed" by having Pastor T.B. Joshua's hand waved in their face and they claim thousands of "members". I wonder if they get together and discuss how fast it took for their HIV infection to come back... Fuckin' nim-rods....

Dreaming About a Dead Guy

Not just any dead guy. It would have to be "Blessed Luigi Scrosoppi." ("Who???") Mr. Blessed was an Oratorian priest and lived from 1804 to 1894. I guess. I really don't know (nor do I care that much), so I have to rely on the information on the site I'm taking this from.

And that site is a strange one. It's a bunch of European Episcopalians bitching about the Roman Catholic Church. While I think they're both full of a bunch of hooey that's not the subject of this particular blog. So, on to the "cure".

According to the site, an article in a July 2001 edition of "The Catholic Times" says that Pope John Paul II recognized Luigi Scallappini as the Patron of AIDS sufferers. So Mr. Spaghetti is now a saint because, according to the Catholic Times (according to the Emancipalians), "An HIV–positive Zambian in the terminal phase of Aids-related illness, claims Luigi Scrosoppi cured him after appearing to him in a dream."

(I'm loathe to quote a quote like this, but I was unable to find the original Catholic Times article to actually verify the Elephantarians' quotes.)

But, the up shot is, dream about Saint Spumoni and you, too, could be cured just like this unnamed, generic, non-specific Zambian person. This particular cure is beneficial to those who can have lucid dreams. And I'm not referring to the dreams one has while on Sustiva.

Sweating

This one is a bit convoluted, but bear with me.

Over at www.curezone.com a full slate of crackpots, nincompoops, and first rate loonies claim to have cures for several different conditions. Of the strangest things they say is that all illnesses are caused by toxins. They state at the very top of their AIDS Cause page, "There is no such a thing as a single cause of any health problem." (Funny, 'cause I thought that the flu was caused by the flu virus; not by how long your mother's labor lasted or how traumatic your birth was.)

They tie everything into the generic and evil- and dirty-sounding ubiquitous "Toxins". Including AIDS.

On their AIDS page they flat out refuse to believe that HIV causes AIDS so obviously they're well respected in the medical community and we should listen to what they say. (Yeah, right...)

Anyway, they say "Sweating is powerful way to cleanse your body from accumulated toxins." So, sweating (along with the other crap they say will help) will rid your body of the toxins which are causing AIDS. And, since HIV doesn't cause AIDS, well, jus' go put on a plastic garbage bag and run around the block in 105 degree heat. If the heat stroke doesn't kill you AIDS just might be cured!

Ok, c'mon. If sweating was such a great way to remove toxins which they say cause all illnesses from your body, why did Lance Armstrong end up with cancer? Why did Magic Johnson end up with AIDS? (Truthfully, I don't know if Magic Johnson has an AIDS diagnosis; but these fuckwads aren't claiming to cure HIV; just AIDS...) If sweating removed toxins and if toxins were the cause of all illness, athletes wouldn't get sick. And neither would that fat smelly guy in the bookstore with sweatstains on his too-small shirt.

BONUS CURE: Divine Simplified Physical Exercises

The following is the exact text (aside from the added Bold I put in) from the HIV/AIDS chat room over on Yahoo!Chat. He sent it to the room and then jus' left. I submit it without (much) commentary as an example of the crap people try to pull.

"guru_yogananda: Hi Friend(s) I'm disciple of Vethathiri Maharishi. I did brahma gnanam. I got tremendous results within 3 years. Vethathiri maharishi is siddha, ayurveda, homeopathy doctor. Scientist,psychologist, philosopher,yogiraj He has researched more than 40 years and invented this system. Vazhga vaiyagam Vazhga valamudan Be blessed by Divine Simplified Physical Exercises consists of 1. Hand Xercises 2. Leg Xercises 3. Eye Xercises 4. Breath Xercises 5. Kabhalapathi 6. Magarasana 7. Acupressure and Relaxation one week course , no fees This xercises cures all diseases. Keeps u fresh and activ. It takes only 20 minutes in morning.

"guru_yogananda: Kayakalpa yoga is siddhar's exercise for longlife, celibacy. It activates all brain cells. Gives memory power. Improves immunity. Magnetizes food and water. Gives healthy child. It takes only 10 minutes a day.1/2 day class only. $.250 for student, $.1000 for Single, $.1500 for Couples. Meditation> Aakna - Pituary gland - Master gland of body It gives concerntration. Thuriyam - Pineal gland - Master gland of mind It gives mind power. Shanthi - Sexual gland - Master gland of soul It gives health and peace. This is regular course. Daily morning and evening. U can attend weekend class also. $.700 only no other monthly fees."

Aside from the other one from today (which was apparently free) this one is down right cheap. The most expensive "class" to cure AIDS is only 70 cents for an entire weekend. Though, I'm still not sure why a single student is 25 cents and a couple is 15 cents.

So, this is the crap I go through for you people! Hope you appreciate it! (Ok, I'm just kidding. I actually kinda enjoy doing this.)

"The Force" and Some Herbs

Well, the guy didn't actually call it, "The Force" (As in, "May the Force be with you, Young Jedi") but that's the best thing I can come up with. Oh, and this guy sprinkles some "medicines" (i.e., herbs) into the mix.

A couple days ago, I got an instant message from Yahoo! member "skp_2000_in". What's unusual about this particular message is that it sarted out with him asking me, "im suffering from impotency can u help me" [too many sic's to put in but I assure you, that's exactly what he said.].

I asked, "Why do you think I could help you?" As it turns out, he had said that he had a cure for HIV but that, well, the "cure was".... Ah, hell, here's what he said in the instant message, "its almost cure not 100?%" (I'm still not sure if that was a statement or a question....) (And, again, that's exactly what he typed.)

(Ya know, this guy's english and grammer were so bad, I'm not even going to bother pointing out the problems he had with it anymore.)

So, anyway, good ol' "Skip" here said that his cure is "by ayurvedic & homoeopathic manner". I had no idea what this arurvedic thing was, so I looked it up. It's bascially balancing the forces within your body with the forces outside. I think. I really don't know because I really don't care that much.

All you have to do to get this "cure" from Skip-er-roni over in India is to "...send me ur cd4 count,& a copy of +ve report i will send medicine & i will say some symptoms which will occur within 10 days of administration of medicine if every thing is goin right then continue or discontinue"

Yes, that's right. Going against one of the principles of ayurvedic "medicine" (which says, "Everything in Ayurveda is validated by observation, inquiry, direct examination and knowledge derived from the ancient texts.") The Amazing Skipper doesn't even have to meet you. He can cure your HIV infection through the MAIL! That's amazing! None of that annoying and pointless verification of complaints. No messy prodding and poking. Just the mail.

Skip-meister doesn't have an M.D. and isn't a doctor but he does have, in his words, a "bachelor in homoeopathic medicine & surgery" what ever the hell that is.

But, to be fair and to Skip-o-Rama's credit, he doesn't charge for this fake cure. So he's not in it for the money. Which is a HELL of a lot more than I can say for that Dr. Sadiq and his Fake Three Month Cure for Rich People.

Skip may be misguided but he does seem like he's out to at least try to help people. I suppose that's a good thing. But, still, he shouldn't be saying that he's "almost" found a cure, even if it isn't 100% effective. If he does somehow manage to concoct a cure, more power to him and I hope he gets it published in all the right and acceptable places.

On the other hand, he didn't know was a balm was. And when I asked him if he had the usual independantly verified proof, he said, "if i would have that then why the hell im talking to u ass hole" After which, I informed him he would be ridiculed on this blog.

And, on second thought, I take back the mildly nice things I said about him. He's still a fuck-twit.