Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Immuno QR

I've always known that the best way to get advanced medical knowledge (such as a cure for AIDS) to the vast world-wide population is through shouting in a comment made to a blog. That whole scientific review process just takes too long and they require all sorts of annoying things like facts, research, and reproducability. As a case in point, some user named "WW" commented on a blog entry about Magic Johnson. And he used all caps which not only makes it difficult to read, it also means he was SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS! Oh, and he didn't use any punctuation, either; which is a clear sign of the obvious truth and scientific research he's done on this "Immuno QR" crap. Here--unedited--is what he said:


THERE IS A CURE FOR AIDS AND HIV IMMUNO QR AND IT IS ON THE MARKET ON THE INTERNET FOR 240 BUCKS LOOOK IT UP IT WAS DISCOVERED OVER 10 YEARS AGO BUT THE DAMN FDA WONT APPROVE OF IT BECAUSE THEY MAKE WAY TOO MUCH MONEY ON OVER THE COUNTER BULLSHIT ASS MEDICINE.


I had NO idea that the FDA gets its money and funding from actually selling medications!

For those that can't really make heads nor tails of WW's, uh, information here's what he typed with appropriate punctuation and not in all caps: "There is a cure for AIDS and HIV--Immuno QR--and it is on the market on the internet for 240 bucks. Look it up. It was discovered over 10 years ago but the damn FDA won't approve of it because they make way too much money on over-the-counter bullshit ass medicine."

Ok, so I've Googled for "Immuno QR". And here's what I was able to discover about it.

The first site that came up for it says, "The said drug called "Immuno QR" has not gone through any scientific trial and the claim of any success should have been published in any of the scientific journals in India or abroad " Interesting. So I move on.

The second site (which sells Immuno QR) says, "That is why immuno-QR is effective in many otherwise incurable disease. It is very effective in the treatment of killer viral diseases Immuno-QR is also found to cure Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma and S.L.E. as well as Rheumatoid Arthritis." But no mention of HIV. Kinda contradictory, don't ya think?

And the serach results go on and on. Needless to say, Immuno QR doesn't cure anything except the empty wallets of the assholes who sell it to desperate people. (Maybe even to desperate housewives; but I'm not sure.)

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Urine

Splashing our way back into the icky file (see: The Sputnik) we come to the, uh, other end of things. Yes, kids, urine can cure AIDS. If you don't believe me check the obviously credible and scientifically reviewed and studied testimonials at http://users.erols.com/martinlara/testimo.html. He has two of them so you know they're not made up. But, the jist of the first one is this:

Some guy named Max Caicedo was visiting his family in Puerto Rico. He apparently had been given "month or two to live" by his doctors so he apparently though it was <sob!> the last time. He had "opportunistic infections caused by AIDS." (Nevermind that AIDS is defined partially by having opportunistic infections (OI) and that those OIs are caused by HIV weakening the immune system so it can't fight off the viruses, etc. which cause the OI. That's where the word "opportunistic" comes from; they take the opportunity to infect. But I digress...)

The testimonial continues and says that he'd been taking "medication for several years", was in a wheelchair, was very weak and was <SOB!> "close to death." But some gullible, loving niece <clutch pearls here> in New York had faith he would recover. She illegally recorded a lecture this Martin Lara freak gave on an unnamed radio station in New York and "rushed the tape to her uncle". There was <dab tears with hanky> no time to loose--"Caicedo had lost faith and had already paid for funeral services and a cemetery plot."

(We'll be right back after this word from our sponsors. "SUCKER!")

Since he had <grasp loved-one's hand> "nothing left to lose" (except his dignity and fresh breath) he listened to the tape and decided to toss out all his medications and start drinking his own piss. After all, everything one hears on the radio has got to be true, right? "This is a decision that he will never regret because it saved his life."

Within three days Mr. Lara says this guy "had eliminated more excrement than in the previous six months." <release loved-one's hand and run for the bathroom to vomit...> "All his aches and pains were gone by the first week and his appetite and desire to live were back 100 percent. Within 10 days he had no need for the wheelchair and was gaining weight." Six weeks after the radio interview" (Interview? What interview? The stupid testimonial never mentioned an interview...) "he attended one of my monthly lectures to describe his positive experience with Uropathy." Mr. Lara says Caicedo was a new man (with bad breath) who had gained 30 pounds. (I'm guessing it was all water weight.) And, six months later, he was a globe-trotting trendsetter visiting Mexico and Miami and was on his way to Spain.

Ok, I've read up on this bullshit and here's what I understand the thinking behind drinking your own piss to be. The kidneys filter out what the body doesn't need at that moment and then it's eliminated in urine. Since, there are possibly some stuff in that urine that you simply didn't need at the moment it was filtered through your kidneys you can reingest that urine to get that stuff back into your body. And, by doing this, you get the best possible use out of everything you eat. Provided it's liquid, I guess.

Why not just eat more of the thing that provided the nutrients in the first place!?!? Why do these fuckers think that drinking something your body's already gotten rid of is good! I really hate to admit it but I know of several people who are, uh, into water sports--I don't mean the type you'd see at the summer Olympics--and they haven't been cured of anything!

No matter how nicely Mr. Lara or Mr. Caicedo ask I am not having them people over for a cocktail party...

Monday, January 09, 2006

Honey, Vaseline, and the Koran

Dateline Lagos, Nigeria. The date, April 22, 2001. The news source, Reuters. The writer, D'Arcy Doran.

As reported on Boston.com back in 2001, "the state assembly in northern Kano passed a bill endorsing a group claiming a spiritual cure for AIDS."

Their house health commitee (obviously a well respected and published group of doctors, researchers, and educators and not a bunch of hoodwinked politicians as one might expect from a state assembly) says that it "had studied clinical data and was satisfied with the cure, which involves smearing honey and petroleum jelly on sufferers and reading verses of the Koran."

And here we've all been doing it wrong. We've been reading verses from the Book of Mormon and certain passages from The Watchtower. Damn!

I wonder which verses from the Koran (Quran, take your pick) one is suppose to read... Is it the one about helping the lot of orphans (2:220) or the one that says to be kind and to forbid injustice (22:41) or the ones that say that unbelievers will suffer an "awful doom" (2:6; 2:114; 3:176; 5:33; 14:2; 35:7 et. al.).

Inquiring minds want to know!

(And I'm not saying anything bad about Vaseline®. It's a fine product even if it does taste awful on a slice of toast. And the Koran is not alone among religious texts dooming unbelievers. The Bible is filled with that crap.)

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Water - The Sequel

New! Bigger! LONGER! WETTER!

I don't quite now how to start in on this one. This comes from the loonies over on Curezone.com; a repository of sound, quality, and fully researched advice. In a message posted to their forums, a user calling himself "-2tuff-" makes the utterly ridiculous statment, "Theres NOTHING a water fast of proper length cannot cure and thats been proven for oooo the last 7000 years whilst its been in use possibly more." He/she/it then goes on to say, "Again Viruses etc can be beat just with Fasting if done correctly (meaning more than 1 day haha) and when I say this I mean anything up to 70 days but most times 30 days tops."

Ok, so. Just by ingesting water, and only water, for a long enough period of time, all illnesses will go away. OF COURSE THEY WILL, you FUCKING NIMROD!!! An untreated cold has a length of about 5-7 days. The flu, about two weeks. I suppose -2tuff- would say that if you did a water fast for 5-7 days, you'd knock out the cold. The body will knock out the illness on its own! And, if it doesn't, you'll die. (I'd personally hate to have a chronic cold for the rest of my life...) And, if you die, the illness goes away with you!

This is how superstitions get started. If you find that your water fast didn't cure your flu, well, you didn't do it long enough and it's all your fault. You gotta do it again. And again. Until, voila!, your flu is gone! And you owe it all to ingesting only water for the entire duration! Has nothing to do with the virus just running its course...

And, on top of all this, he pricelessly lambasts the Beck Protocol for being completely wrong! I *love* it when these bullshitters start attacking each other's bullshit! (I tackle the bullshit Beck Protocol back at the end of July 2005 on this blog. Check the archives. I'd've linked to it, but it spans four days.)

(GOD! I love doing this! Even if it becomes drudgery at times, every now and then something like this comes along and makes it all worth it! I'm still trying to find out if Chemtrails cause AIDS...)