Monday, July 10, 2006

Mediatation (a.k.a. Meditation)

This cure comes from some fucking idiot nim-rod with the Yahoo! handle "vaguefeelingofdiscomfort". This insanely stupid person claims that by meditation alone (he first called it "mediatation") he got rid of HIV in his blood as evidenced by the negative HIV test result he most recently got.

The problem is that's also the only HIV test he's ever taken. You may very well ask yourself at this point "How can he know he got rid of HIV when he never even had a test to prove he had it in the first place?"... And an exceptionally valid question. When I asked this moron (I'll call him Vague) the same question he said that he had all the "symptoms" of HIV. Considering that HIV infection has no true symptoms that you can just look at and tell, I asked him what symptoms he had. He replied, "fatigue...slightly almost unnoticable enlarged lymphnodes". Sounds like mono to me. And I told him so. He said his doctor didn't say it was mono or the flu or mumps. In fact, his doctor told him he didn't have anything wrong. NOTHING WAS WRONG!!!

At this point, a room regular whom I shall call "Cetacebimjo" and who occasionally reads this blog piped in with "Eating a bad camel will give you those symptoms" which I thought was funny.

Like the fool I am, I pressed onward. "Why do you INSIST that your fatigue and 'barely noticable' enlarged lymph nodes were caused by HIV?" I asked.

To which he replied, "i had headache too". At this point, I just kinda assumed this fucker didn't quite understand English. Oh, and he had a "rash".

And still, I pressed onward. "Why do you insist that these 'symptoms' (which HIV infection does NOT cause) were caused by HIV infection???"

And, again, he replied with another "symptom", "i saw some vague white spots on my tongue".

Oh, so he had plaque. Big whoop. So I suggested that the "vague white spots" were simply plaque. And, displaying his vast medical knowledge with which he diagnosed himself with an ailment that doesn't cause the symptoms he was experiencing, he asked, "whats plaque? ... is it plague or plaque".

And, once again, I berated him telling him that if he didn't know what plaque was he was in no position to diagnose anybody with anything. And, like the ill-fated giant mechanical worm in "The Core", I pressed onward again and asked why he thought he had HIV in the first place.

And thus the friendly neighborhood hypochondriac got skeered and left the room. The numb-skull never did explain why he thought his ridiculous symptoms were caused by HIV. Going so far to call his spleen (which was almost undetecably "enlarged") a lymph node. Apparently, anything in the lymphatic system is a "node" to this guy.

Just when I think I've seen the worst of these fuckers, someone new comes along...

And, now, back to the chat room to lie in wait....