Thursday, December 14, 2006

ESP

Picture, if you will. A man named Ivan Gellner. Mr. Gellner has ESP but doesn't quite understand what it means. You'll see why later.

But for now, suffice it to say that Mr. Gellner claims to heal people "suffering from AIDS/HIV+". Apparently, he doesn't realize that people don't suffer from HIV+; they are HIV+. Doesn't bode well for the rest of what he says.

Mr. Gellner claims to do this healing through ESP. (Yes, yes, I know that ESP actually means Extra Sensory Perception but this guy apparently uses his perception to "heal" HIV and AIDS.) Is healing in the eye of the beholder??

He doesn't even need to be in the patient's presence to use his perception to heal. "You do not need to go to see me at all, because all is done by the distance/remote healing." "There is no physical contact with the patient's body. I practice so called 'distance healing'."

He goes on:
I exert influence on my patients for over 6 hours daily through meditation and an absolutely clear mind. The essential part is that I do this meditation for all of us. I say "for all of us", because I do meditation also for myself, of course, therefore I really meditate for all my patients concurrently.

This of course, begs the question, why doesn't his healing work for everybody in the world!? Why do people still have HIV and AIDS? Hell, why do people still get colds if this guy is spending 1/4 of his life "meditating" for "all of us"?? Oh, but I digress. Kinda.

He also says, "My personal approach is not to explain anything but trying to heal." So what he means is that he isn't doing a damn thing and wants you to pay him for it. But only after you see some healing effects. What are these healing effects? Well, according to our wonderful friend, Mr. Gellner:

  • reduction and healing of many AIDS/HIV+ symptoms
  • increase of CD4 cells
  • stopped the decrease of CD4
  • lowering of VL
  • less [sic] side effects from medication
  • restoration/rebuilding of the immune system
  • whole body optimization
  • more energy, and good mental health

What the hell is "whole body optimization"? Does Mr. Galbladder here run some sort of defragmentation program every day for at least six hours for all his rubes? I mean, Clients?

One would think that if the number of one's CD4 cells increased, they'd stop decreasing by definition, but he feels it necessary to make 'em separate. Still not a good sign, eh?

He also advocates continuing to take one's medications after one is diagnosed with "HIV+" regardless of his "healing". He continues and says that you should not expect a quick result from his healing and that it could take several months to see results from what he's doing. Problem is, he ain't doin' shit! He's just telling you to take your medications and then HE takes credit for causing good lab results!!!! STOP TAKING CREDIT FOR WHAT THE MEDICATIONS DO!!!!

Oh, wait. But maybe he's not healing at all. Despite all the claims to "heal" on his website, he says, "Please do not take this as a claim that I can heal it, because I still don’t know. (As of July 2006)"

So, he says he doesn't know and then says he can. And then says he'll charge you a non-refundable "application fee" of $39US to begin the perception of healing he says he doesn't know about. I guess that it's this $39 that begins the "free" four-month healing. Which, by the way, you're warned that the effects of that four-month non-existing healing are only temporary. After that, if you want to continue being thought about in a very, very vague way by someone you've never met, you'll have to pay Mr. Gellner $648US for the first year and then $468 each year after for "Maintenence Healing".

This asshole really does take the cake here. He says to continue taking your medications since his perceptual healing doesn't replace them and then takes credit (and your money) when the medications work.

How much do you want to bet his "meditation" takes place while he's shopping, driving, watching movies, taking vacations, flying to Italy, lying on the beach, etc.???