Drinking Ethiopian Holy Water

I know it's been a while since the last update. I got involved with other things such as the election and such. Besides, a lot of the same old bullshit is being passed off as new.

Regardless, butter_scotch_23_2009 popped into the usual chat room recently and displayed a complete lack of critical thinking skills because she wanted to help "you people". ("You people"!? How fucking rude and condescending!) She said that there's some holy water in Ethiopia that has cured all types of illnesses including blindness and HIV. Her proof? An Ethiopian magazine written in Ethiopian and a copy of a "certified" paper printed in said magazine. Oh, yeah, the paper was also embossed by the government.

So, she had a "new Ethiopian friend" get some and bring it to her. And she's going to drink it and believes that this water from an unknown source is going to cure her of HIV.

Let's take the points one at a time, shall we?

• Certified
  The certification means absolutely nothing without knowing who did the certifying and what exactly has been certified. I could certify that highly efficient solar photo-voltaic panels can be made from shredded bank statements steeped in dog-shit tea for three days but that doesn't mean it's actually true.
• Embossed
  Any idiot can buy an embossing device from most any craft store or buy one from any number of websites. Just because it looks official doesn't mean it is. Butter's reason why the embossing device couldn't have been bought from the internet: Ethiopia has no internet service; they live in huts.
  
  Besides, you don't think the Ethiopian government has a desire to increase the number of people visiting its country, do you? Butter's response: Ethiopia doesn't have a government; they have a ruler. Uh, sweety; a ruler IS government. Pay no attention to Ethiopia's government being a Federal Parliamentary Republic and ignore their current president, Girma Wolde-Giorgis.
  
• Drinking water from an unknown source
  This is where Butter is taking her life into her own hands. She says that a friend of a friend of an uncle of a dog of a monkey of her sister's boyfriend's long-lost cousin (or something like that) has brought (or is bringing) some of this alleged holy water from Ethiopia to Butter for Butter to drink. Yet, there is no guarantee that this water that she's given wasn't gathered from a garden hose next door; taken from the airport bathroom, or actually did come from this mythical magical holy water source in Ethiopia. And, if it really does come from Ethiopia, (would it pass customs??) where are the assurances that it's even safe to drink. (Oh, yeah, the water comes with "instructions". INSTRUCTIONS!? You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me. (1) Open jar (2) Pour contents into mouth (3) Swallow (4) discard jar. Whatta fuckin' joke.)
  

Look, I understand the desire to want to believe there's a cure; I really, really do. But rather than believing any yahoo who comes by and says that, say, swallowing a goldfish that has spawned and lived in the pure spring waters from a mountaintop spring in Switzerland is going to cure any thing I would rather believe that an independently proven cure. Besides, as I told Butter here, a real cure doesn't require the person taking it to "believe" or "have faith" that it'll work; a real cure just works.

Attending A Church Service in Lagos, Nigeria

It's the cure for lazy people!

Yes, that's right. You don't have to do anything other than show up at a church service in Lagos, Nigeria. But not just any ol' church service; it's gotta be at the "Christian Praying Assembly Church" in Lagos.

In the usual Yahoo!Chat room, a user, Chubbychubby74, ran in, shouted at the top of his keyboard's lungs, "HIV/AIDS IS 100% CURABLE FREE OF CHARGE" and "ITS [sic] CURE(100%) NOT TREATMENT". Several times he shouted this each time with an admonition to PM him.

Being the antithesis of gullible that I am, I PMed him. (Wow, it's big-word-day here at the blog, aint it?)

I asked him to tell me about his "cure". And he replied, "I wonder why people take the power of god for granted" (this, too, was in all caps, but for the sake of legibility here, I'm not going to all-caps it.) Since this wasn't a reply to my statement, I pressed on again with asking him to tell me about this "cure". Again, he ignored me and said that it's 100% free of charge; which he had already said in the chat room.

I'm beginning to wonder why so many people seem to have such difficulty with reading comprehension these days....

I pestered him to tell me the name of the church and it took at least 5 minutes to get out of him the damn name of the church, "Christian Praying Assembly Church". You'd think that a church that can cure HIV infection simply by showing up would be ecstatic to have its name plastered all over the internet. But this one apparently operates in relative secrecy. (Don't tell anybody....)

Once again, I asked him to tell me about the "cure". His response this time was "Are u [sic] in Nigeria?" Regardless, I went back and forth with Chubby-Chubby-Two-by-- and eventually got out of him that this cure is by his "General Overseer", he wasn't joking, he saw his brother cured 100%, that it was 100% free and asked me if I can come to Nigeria.

When I asked him who verified that his brother was cured, he demonstrated his lack of reading comprehension skills again and replied, "Have u [sic] heard of His Holiness The Most Hon. Dr. Rev. King". (That's quite a few abbreviations before his name there, ain't it?) He went on to again tell me that it's 100% free and that he's not "demanding" money.

Anyway, I pressed on with the verification of his brother being cured. He said that "four hospitals" did "the complete HIV tests". Being that there is nothing I'm aware of that are called "The Complete HIV Tests", I asked him about them. He said he didn't know what they were and that I should just believe him.

When it was clear that I doubted him, he began what was one of the most despicable and exploitative shenanigans to try to convince me. He said that a friend of his (you know, Angie from the UK) doubted him and "she is dead now". He further said:

• "IF AM LYING LET GOD BLESS YOU, BUT IF AM SAYING THE TRUTH, FROM NOW TILL THE END OF 2009, YOU SHALL DIE"
• "WHAT I PRONOUNCED UPON YOU WILL PROVE TO YOU OK"
• "WE WILL KNOW WHO WILL FUCK INSIDE THE GRAVE"
• "I HAVE SPOKEN TO U INTRHE NAME OF GOD"
• "GET BEHIND ME SATAN"

So, I went ahead and asked Chubby Chubby 2x4 here to do something a little more kind: Make it rain outside my house if he was speaking for God. "I'll even accept a light drizzle".

He further proceeded to tell me that I was "dirty" and that he was giving me HIV instead of making it rain; all in the name of his all-loving God.

And then he left.

He's been back since then. And my offer of believing him if he can make it rain on demand still stands... I think we're in for a rather dry summer....

(I suspect that another user, njidekaking, is the same person as chubbychubbytwobyfour here; they both promote the "Attend a church service in Nigeria and be cured" bullshit with the same all capital letters and the same "May god punish me blah blah blah". My apologies if they are not the same person. However, looking through the internet real quick it's clear that they are at least speaking of the same church and same "hon. dr. rev. ms. prof. whatev. King")

Herbs Smeared on Your Body by the President of The Gambia on Thursday

This comes to us from the President of The Gambia. It's a tiny, insignificant country on the Atlantic coast of Africa.

See? There it is. So cute and tiny and insignificant and surrounded on three sides by Senegal. So I suppose it's only reasonable that President Jammeh, President of The Gambia, should take time away from his busy, busy schedule to study, develop, test, and administer a cure for HIV and AIDS. But, you should know, it's only available on Thursdays (on Friday or Saturday, he cures asthma). And only to 10 people. Really. He says,

The mandate I have is that HIV/Aids cases can be treated on Thursdays. That is the good news and the bad news is that I cannot treat more than ten patients every Thursday. There is nothing I can do about it and if I go beyond that I will have to pay the price. (http://www.statehouse.gm/pres-rvth-board_170107.htm)

I don't really know what to say about this. I mean, come on! An herbal cure for AIDS that is only available to 10 people and only on Thursday? And the same thing that cures 100 people of asthma?

Anyway, let's dig a little deeper... He has a whole string of seemingly arbitrary "requirements" for people receiving this "treatment". One of which is to not chew chewing gum. And to not take any "western" medicines other than the ones he's using on you. Yes, that's right, this "cure" involves the use of "western" medicines. (I assume those are anti-HIV medications such as Sustiva, Zerit, Epivir, Atripla, etc.)

He even goes so far as to publish a page with the supposed Viral Loads of those people he's treated. But, if you look at those numbers, they're incredibly bad! Viral loads in the 19-million and upwards of 63-MILLION copies!! And, in others, the viral loads are merely undetectable. That is probably about the farthest from a cure I've seen!!

And, he also lists the CD4 counts of those same patients. And, they're not much better! CD4 counts as low as 23 is NOT A CURE!!!

I sure hope that this asshole's "patients" get better treatment from someone who actually knows what the hell they're doing. This ass isn't doing anything to help his "patients".

By the way, you can also Search the Archives on his site for even more astounding bullshit.

????????

(Yes, I really do mean a bunch of question marks.)

jackie_avery08 claims to have been cured of HIV infection by a doctor with the highly credible email address of drwilliamsyemi@yahoo.co.uk in Nigeria.

What is the cure? Nobody knows. And neither Jackie nor "Dr." William Syemi are talking about it. Other than to say there's a cure. (Why do Nigerian "doctors" think they can just say something and expect people to believe it? Don't they know that it's up to the person making the claim to prove it? I suppose not...) Why aren't they talking about it? Because the Nigerian Government will take the cure from them. So they have to announce the cure as anonymous internet chat room users on Yahoo.

I asked Jackie to prove that there was a cure. He (she?) wanted to know how to do that so I gave the usual lines of "peer-reviewed medical journal," "independantly verified," etc., etc., etc... The response: "I will never do that because the doctor wants us to keep everything in coded [sic]"

And the conversation just sort of degenerated from there. It was ugly. "May the blood of those you infect be on your hands," "Then you wil die!" stuff like that.

Never fear, though. Jackie will be back either under that screen name or some other hawking the usual bullshit line. "I have a cure! Believe me! I do!"

H1B

H1B is a cure consisting of five pills which were discovered in Nigeria. Oh, Nigeria! You fickle mistress of AIDS and HIV Cures! When will you crack down on these nutcases!?

A Yahoo!Chat user, wilbanksanthony, invented H1B (which works to kill HIV through the widely known and internationally accepted chemical process called "H1B Process". What do you mean you've never heard of it?) and says that after five days of taking these five pills not only will you be cured of HIV infection (and AIDS) but cancer and diabetes, too! It's a miracle! No wonder nobody's ever heard of this shit. Oh, and it does the ever popular "boosting" of the immune system. Whatever the hell that means.

(It's been argued that "boosting" one's immune system which is already being attacked by HIV can cause more damage than good since HIV uses the immune system to replicate itself. So, if H1B did anything other than take money from your pocket at put it into wilbanksanthony's it might actually leave you worse off than before. But I digress. But only a little bit.)

The charge for H1B is $2,500 because he is "in Nigeria" and all we have to do is go to Nigeria to find out for ourselves.

On the plus side, the results of this asshole's "cure" have been published in the unavailable-online "Imo State University Medical School Journal". Now, there is an Imo State University but whether or not they have issues of their medical school's Journal is in question. In fact, wilriverbanks here never was able to provide a URL to the possibly nonexistant Journal. In response to whether or not he could provide me a URL, he replied, "I do not have a URL because its very costly getting here in Nigeria". Clearly, he doesn't know what I meant.

Further, he said he was in an Internet Cafe. Did I forget to mention that he claims to be "Medical biochemist"? Ooops! So, this asshole is a Medical Biochemist, doesn't have enough money to buy a computer, has discovered the cure for AIDS, (H1B which works by the H1B process) and claims that building a website is "very costly" in Nigeria.

Now, get this. He actually did eventually tell me what the five pills of H1B are. That's surprising in and of itself considering there are other users in the chat room who claim that they can't disclose their cure because the Nigerian government will steal it. The five pills of H1B are, "Cocaine, natural herbs, Calcium, water, elipikinih". Ta da! That's it!

The first four, I kinda know what they are. (Cocaine!?!? This asshole is selling cocaine!!?!) But that last one is a bit of a mystery. He explained that "Elipikinih is a drug that was discovered in Nigeria that boost [sic] the Immune [sic] instantly and kills virsus [sic]" And nobody's ever heard of this wonder drug that kills all viruses!?

He addressed that concept, too. He claims that all Nigerian reporters are "corrupt" and would steal his bullshit H1B and claim they invented it. Who cares, asshole! It doesn't DO anything except make you HIGH!

He went on and on and even claimed to have cured five people of HIV infection (but couldn't provide any verifiable information such as names, and independant researchers who verified these people being cured). But I'll leave you with this little tid-bit. He said he's only out to help the world and not himself. Kind of a worthy and noble goal. But then why the HELL is this fucking asshole selling this Water-and-Cocaine McCormick Spice Blend for $2,500!? Is he only trying to help the part of the world that has money!?

What an asshole.....

Goat Serum

(Since the below post was written and posted I've come to realize that both Precious and Rocky Thomas do in fact exist and aren't figments of someone's imagination. I considered removing potentially snide and rude comments I made about both of them but didn't want to appear to "rewriting history" so the thinly veiled jabs stay in the post. I still, however, do not believe that this "Goat Serum Cure" is in any way whatsoever helpful--may in fact be harmful--to someone living with HIV or AIDS. October 13, 2009)

Also known as BB:7075. Or maybe even peHRG 214. More on those later.

The cure for AIDS for this month/week/whatever was "discovered" (i.e., made up out of the blue) by asshole and general practitioner Dr. Gary R. Davis of Tulsa, Oklahoma. (But maybe it wasn't. More on that later.)

Back in December 1992, Dr. Davis apparently shouted a command to the heavens, "If you're God, then act like God!" That night, he had a dream. (Cue mysterious music.) In this dream, he was naked in a barn with a goat. (Cut it with the music!) What kind of goat is never mentioned. That's unfortunate. What's more unfortunate is why was he dreaming about being naked with a goat in a barn. That's just kinda creepy.

Regardless, he stuck a dream-needle into the dream-goat in the dream-barn and drew some of the dream-goat's dream-blood. When he awoke, he realized that he knew all sorts of stuff about HIV he didn't before. Like, for example, what he told his family, "Did you know that a goat cannot contract HIV?"

(No fucking shit, Sherlock! It's called HUMAN Immunodeficiency Virus for a reason.)

Then, much later, and as reported by one Forres McGraw (who claims to be a reporter for the Greenwich Village Gazette), precious 7-year-old Precious Thomas had AIDS, was being seen by doctors at the National Institutes of Health and had a Viral Load of 118,119 (which seems a bit too precise, by the way). But, after using Dr. Davis' bullshit Goat Serum (I guess retrieved by squeezing a part of the goat that might get you arrested and charged by the Humane Society), precious Precious' precious viral load went preciously to "ZERO [sic]". (Never mind that viral load tests aren't fucking accurate to anything less than 50 (or maybe 25, I'm not sure); that's why it's called "undetectable".)

Here's the story. In 1995, Dr. Davis "developed" his treatment, one year later, he applied to the FDA to perform a clinical trial with his Goat Juice. While apparently initially approved, that approval was revoked.

Meanwhile, back in Bethesda, MD, Rocky Thomas, Precious' precious unfortunately-named mother, was apparently comforting Precious who was "in the hospital". Whatever that means. Heck, if you step inside the doors of a hospital, you are "in the hospital". Regardless, Ms. Thomas "vowed" to do whatever it took to help her daughter. Admirable; but in this case stupid.

Mrs. Thomas apparently recalled a news story on Dr. Davis' "treatment" and flew off to Tulsa to meet with him. According to the story, Dr. Davis was "barred" by the FDA from administering his "treatment". So, he apparently cancelled all his remaining appointments for the day and spent "much of his afternoon" with the Thomases.

So, standing by her vow, Rocky broke the law and stole a vial of the Goat Serum and administered it to her daughter. Afterwhich, precious Precious was "cured" of her awful HIV infection.

~~~~~

This story has so many problems it's amazing. But let me touch on a few.

First, an undetectable viral load is NOT cured! Sheesh! I would think even a GP (General Practitioner) would know this!

Second, this Rocky Thomas twit could have done some horrible things to the daughter she claimed to love so much by using an unproven and utterly untested "serum" on her! If this Rocky Thomas exists, I would love to see her prosecuted for child endangerment!

Not only that, Rocky Thomas admittedly broke the law by stealing the serum! This possibly fictional woman is a danger!! (One wonders if this "Mrs. Thomas" is the one who stole the goat serum from a "holding facility" in North Carolina as referenced on an FDA Web page warning persons not to use the Goat Serum at all....)

And the author of the "article", Mr. McGraw, attempts to twist the denial of the clinical trial by the FDA into some sort of racially-based discrimination! He states, "Why is the brilliant work of an African American General Practitioner being suppressed?" What an asshole!! Not everything "bad" that happens to an African American is because of his or her skin color! Fuck you, Mr. McGraw!

And, I found absolutely no references to Mr. McGraw's articles nor to this Precious Thomas on the web site for the Greenwich Village Gazette. (To be fair, I'm not sure how far back the Greenwich Village Gazette keeps articles. And, Mr. McGraw could have been summarily canned, booted, fired, kicked to the curb or otherwise dismissed from his duties after writing his article.)

Finally, there is a lot of information on the internet about this Goat Serum. It's called BB:7075 by Dr. Davis. And, a quick search on "BB:7075 HIV" yields an interesting page at the Ghana AIDS Commission's web site. And that page is really where this bullshit Goat Juice really crashes and burns.

Most notably:

"The Commission further stated that no pre-clinical studies have been conducted on BB: 7075 with respect to HIV 1 Virus." (Remember precious Precious from earlier? If she was infected in the US, chances are that she has HIV 1 and the fucking Goat Juice has NEVER BEEN TESTED ON HER STRAIN OF THE VIRUS!!

And, I leave you with this lengthy-ish bombshell from near the end of the Ghana AIDS Commission's web site:

Contrary to the above [claims that Dr. Davis discovered or invented BB:7075], further search about BB:7075 on the internet and particularly on the [United States Food and Drug Administration] website, seems to suggest that Dr Davis is not the inventor of peHRG 214 [the name possibly given to the serum in a US clinical trial] as there is no documentation on the product except those placed on the internet by Dr. Davis himself. Drug development should generate substantial date. To date, Dr. Davis has not been able to provide any scientific date on his product."

What an asshole this Dr. Davis is!

(The references for the dream above came from Eightball Magazine and The Quiet Hour. Never let it be said that I don't publish my sources...)

Sick AIDS No More

Back in January, henryobing2002 from Nigeria wandered aimlessly into the HIV/AIDS chat room and said that he has the "remady" for AIDS. Ok, so he really called it a "remady 4 aids". O'Henry here said that he has treated 35 people who have each paid him $3000 (I assume US dollars) "with some gift"

Sick AIDS No More apparently takes "ur [sic] faith to work". But what does it do? How does it work? What the hell is in it? Who the fuck knows. O'Henry sure didn't other than saying it's some "prepared herbs". But he did mention something about "traditional herbalists" and the information being supressed by the government. (Ooo! That Evil Government again!) Oh, and that he cured a medical doctor of AIDS back in August or September, 2006. (This fictional medical doctor paid him $5,000 and a car.)

He did also say that we can pay him what we want but nothing less than $3,000.

I asked him how long he'd been studying the cure for AIDS, "Sick AIDS No More" and he said that he'd inheirited it from his dead grandfather, Aghalakah. So this asshole didn't even *discover* this fake cure; his dead bullshit grandfather did and he got it 9 years ago. And in that nine years, "Sick AIDS No More" has only cured 35 people. Seems pretty ineffective to me...

Regardless, I asked him all the usual questions (Peer-reviewed journal; how do you know they had AIDS?; you know the drill) and he, as usual, didn't have the "right" answers.

However, he did offer to cure "my people" of AIDS. And, although he said he was in Nigeria at first, he then suddenly moved to Singapore. And then, a few minutes later, was in London. And then he was back in Singapore.

And we started negotiations on how to get 15 of "my people" to him to be cured. I said that he would have to pay for the whole trip himself. First Class airfare to Singapore from various international locations. And put us up in private hospital rooms. (He'd first tried to get all 15 of us to stay in his fucking house without adequate medical care in the event of an emergency!) For the two weeks this "cure" would take that would end up costing this asshole almost half a million dollars. I asked him to PayPal me $250,000 as a show of good faith and so we could purchase our tickets to Singapore. And that's where negotiations broke down. He kept saying that I needed to have a visa to visit Singapore before he would send the money. However, the fucking bullshiter never, EVER said what it was on or about the visa would be proof of an impending visit.

After the negotiations broke down, he just kept telling the chat room that he had a cure. All this stinking, overgrown fetus had was a way he thought he could bilk money out of sick people. Fucking asshole!

Samayz

Back to Africa and the Middle East....

About a month ago, the HIV/AIDS:1 chat room on Yahoo! was inundated with a slough of idiots promoting this crap, Samayz, as a cure for HIV and AIDS. It's since died down significantly (and we're all happier now) but it's still stuck in my brain. So here we go.

This Samayz shit is derived from snake venom. Which snake? Who knows!? They don't say.

Of course, I asked the guys (or gals) trying to get people to buy this shit (at $599 for 1.5 cc, no less) if they had proof that it worked, if their results had been published in a medical journal, if they were doctors, blah, blah, blah... (If you've been reading this blog at all, you know the usual questions.) (Yes, I'm kinda lazy today. Tired as hell.) Of course, they answered all of these questions incorrectly if they actually had an actual cure.

And, yes, you read that correctly. Six hundred bucks for a measly 1.5 cc. Or, about $1,511,640.39 per US gallon. And you thought gasoline was expensive.....

And not only will this shit cure HIV and AIDS, it'll help with cancer pain, bursitis, various types of herpes (they say it'll actually cure herpes, too!), hepetitis B and C, and a cart load of other ailments.

Oh, and they also try to cover their ass by saying in their FAQ, "Saymyaz has not been approved for sale in the U.S. at this time. " But, I'm sure they'd mail it to anybody in the U.S. if they got some money for it. Fuckin' assholes.

Obviously with the list of other ailments that these asses say this shit will cure they're just trying to maximize their market-base. This is just another example of people trying to take advantage of people desperate for a cure where none exist.

Mala (From the "Here in Africa" Plant)

Mysterious Mala. Marvelous Mala. Ubiquitous Mala.

Ok, maybe "ubiquitous" was a bit much (but what do you expect from a blog that takes too long to write on a crappy Dial-up internet connection??).

Yahoo! User "fathermc2006" (I assume it's not M.C. Hammer trying to get some money...) has this, uh, thing called "Mala" which he says (in a private message or IM to me) "Cures HIV/AIDS."

But that isn't what he started out with. He started out trying to get me to buy anti-HIV medications such as, I suppose because he never listed them (I should have just made up a name like "Hivivatia"), Sustiva, Epivir, Zerit, Abacavir, Combivir, etc. from him in Africa. Why? It's only my suspicion (which is usually right) because he would take the money and then never send a damn thing. And why do I believe this is what he'd do? Well, read on...

So, When I asked him which medications he had, he said he has "native drugs for HIV/AIDS". And, after some poking and prodding and some beration, he said he had a "native drug" called Mala. All one has to do to get the drug is to pay this M.C. Hammer rip-off an "application fee". We'll get to that later....

And, what is this "Mala"? It's a plant called "Here in Africa". Really! I asked him "What plant [is Mala from]?" and he replied "Here in Africa." I'll hafta check with the local botany department at the university but I don't think there's a plant called "Here in Africa"...

Oh, and of course he has proof. Sorta. He says he's a doctor but didn't go to medical school. But Mala was tested by "some medical doctors" whose results were published "here in Nigeria, Ghana, Kenya, Togo etcs. [sic]".

And, when I asked him "How do you measure HIV being 'Cured'?" he said, "You have to pay for application fee before I wil [sic] answer any qestion [sic] from you." So, I have to give this asshole some money before he'll even answer questions!? What the FUCK!?

I asked him how many people had been "cured". "2 million". Yep! Two Million people cured of AIDS from the "Here in Africa" plant. And it's never been on CNN!? I asked for a name of ONE of these millions. He said I had to pay the application fee. He couldn't even make up a fake name and testimonial!!??? He's not working very hard.

And how much is this "application fee"? It's $1,000. Yep. For just $1,000 I could get this fucker to answer questions. I asked him where I would find the "application" and he said he'd send it to me after receiving my $1,000. What the FUCK!?!? (again!)

This lazy-ass bullshitter is sitting' there in an internet cafe in Nigeria expecting people with HIV and AIDS to just send him $1,000 for a fucking application! This is one fucking lazy scammer! He doesn't even have the creativity to make up fake people and testimonials!!

And, for the record, here is his "contact information" he sent to me so I could send him that fucking "application fee":

fathermc2006: YOU WANT MY CONTACT ADDRESS.
fathermc2006: HERE IS MY
TELEPHONE NUMBER 234:08033219623
fathermc2006: MY CONTACT ADDRESS NUMBER 78
KING HASSAN ROAD, NARAYI HIGH COST KADUNA CITY, NIGERIA.
fathermc2006: MY NAME IS DR. JUDE NNEBO.

What a fucking dipshit!

Restorazine

Every now and then something comes along that just makes me laugh outloud... This Bullshit Restorazine is one of those things. According to one "Doctor" Deswin Fisi Adubiaro (who had wandered aimlessly into the HIV/AIDS:1 chat room on Yahoo! bumping his head on the door knob on his way in) from Nigeria at his badly written web site Restorazine is known for "restoring the dead back to normal life..." Yes indeedy folks, this week's bullshit will raise the dead!!!!! Must be powerful damn stuff... (You'd think H.P. Lovecraft would have known about this thing for "Reanimator"; jus' keep that body-less head with the nasty tongue away from me!!!!)

According to the web site above (also titled "EZEKIEL 37 THERAPIES"; yes in all caps) Restorazine not only is a cure for HIV/AIDS it is also described in the sentence fragment, "A remedy (Flying on Eagles Wing)." Whatever the hell that means. But, this Dr. Fuki guy damns the Run-On Sentence Cops and says it's "A scientifically researched and refined herbal mixture of 13 solid herbal ingredients that are very effective in eliminating and eradicating deadly micro-organisms in human system [sic] e.g. Virus, Bacteria, Fungi, Protozoan and Parasites." Take that, you copper!!!

On the "Our Vision" page, Dr. Fiji rattles out another Run-on sentence offense in, "The story that led to this evergreen glory {Discovery of RESTORAZINE} came into being in the month of February 2nd, 2001 through an unforgettable dream and after that, Dr Fisi humbly went into series of research after when he had requested from God and confirmed that his dream is a reality to come." I hate to jus' mock someone's punctuation and all (I know I have my moments, you know, with these, things, you know, like commas, and such) but this guy really should hire an editor.

Regardless. So, it came to him in a dream... Last night I had a dream I was looking through a manufactured home that was floating in space. Really. I was. Does that mean I should be making the International Mobile Space Trailer a reality??

Not only does this bullshit cure HIV and AIDS, Dr. Fuki blurts out the statement, "RESTORAZINE- Making the world a healthy and purified Planet." No, really. He says that; again, on the Our Vision page.

Elsewhere, he says, "This remedy is so powerful to an extent that it knocks off even some other diseases that no other remedy made for HIV AIDS can eliminate peacefully in human system, e.g. "KARPOSI SARCOMA". This disease happens in cancer patients most and whoever develops it will be made to know that it can't be treated but RESTORAZINE takes it off and restore back good life."

Apparently, he doesn't know that KS (Kaposi's Sarcoma in its correct spelling) *IS* a cancer. It's a skin cancer. So, naturally--by definition--someone with KS is a cancer patient.

Dr. Figit seems to have just the barest nugget of truth, a smidgeon of good intentions and a whole truck load of bad information, bad photography, bad medicine, and outrageously bizarre claims. He doesn't even have the nerve to put up scientifically reviewed testimonials. He's like an amature in this HIV/AIDS Cure Game. If he really wants to play with the big dogs, he'll hafta get up to speed faster. Oh, and, like, learn how to write, really well, sentences with all the right, and correct, punctuation and then he can pay his fines to the run on sentence cops so he can then hire an editor for his web site and so he can finally start at least appearing like he's making sense. (I wonder if Restorazine can repair bad grammar....)

(To be fair, in the chat room when I asked if this product can raise the dead, "Dr." Fisi said that it doesn't do that. No shit, Sherlock. And it doesn't cure AIDS nor HIV infection, either.)

Honey, Vaseline, and the Koran

Dateline Lagos, Nigeria. The date, April 22, 2001. The news source, Reuters. The writer, D'Arcy Doran.

As reported on Boston.com back in 2001, "the state assembly in northern Kano passed a bill endorsing a group claiming a spiritual cure for AIDS."

Their house health commitee (obviously a well respected and published group of doctors, researchers, and educators and not a bunch of hoodwinked politicians as one might expect from a state assembly) says that it "had studied clinical data and was satisfied with the cure, which involves smearing honey and petroleum jelly on sufferers and reading verses of the Koran."

And here we've all been doing it wrong. We've been reading verses from the Book of Mormon and certain passages from The Watchtower. Damn!

I wonder which verses from the Koran (Quran, take your pick) one is suppose to read... Is it the one about helping the lot of orphans (2:220) or the one that says to be kind and to forbid injustice (22:41) or the ones that say that unbelievers will suffer an "awful doom" (2:6; 2:114; 3:176; 5:33; 14:2; 35:7 et. al.).

Inquiring minds want to know!

(And I'm not saying anything bad about Vaseline^®. It's a fine product even if it does taste awful on a slice of toast. And the Koran is not alone among religious texts dooming unbelievers. The Bible is filled with that crap.)

Blood-letting

Throw that Time Machine into reverse! "Out with the old, in with the new!!" We're going to ancient Greece!!!!!

Back through Dr. Salk's time! Back through tuberculosis patients kept in Mammoth Cave! Back through the discovery of ether as an anesthetic! Back! BACK! Back beyond the discovery of the human skeleton! Back beyond the Middle Ages!! Back beyond Mary and Joseph in the barn!! Back all the way to 400 BCE.

Ah! Greece!! The time of Zeus and Hera! The time of Aphrodite and Hermes! The time of a whole bunch of bad information!

Look over there! The catapult has just been invented! There goes Socrates philosophising away! He doesn't know that next year he'll be killed by drinking hemlock. Poor fellow!

There's Hippocrates slicing open a vein in a guy to let out the bad blood; just like our buddy, Ashok T. Jaisinghani, thinks will cure AIDS. You'll remember Mr. Jiggywithit from the earlier post on Vitamin K.

This time, Mr. Jocularity is even offering a reward of 50,000 rupees to any doctor who can prove that blood-letting won't help AIDS at all! 50,000!!! That sounds like a lot, doesn't it! I bet I could buy a whole car with that!

After a quick trip to the calculator with today's exchange rate in hand, I discover that 50,000 rupees--that Oh-so-big-sounding number!--is really only about $1,100. Crap! I was hoping for a new car.....

Regarding this pittance of a reward, Mr. Jamababa says that "Only crazy persons would attempt to prove the impossible." Something tells me that Mr. Jiggerofwhiskeytoomany knows a lot about crazy people. You know... Being crazy enough to think that blood-letting will cure any infection, much less AIDS.

Mr. Jaundice goes on to complain about "multi-national companies" making money off of the "ignorant and panic-stricken AIDS patients" of India. And, while Mr. Jamminhandin here isn't asking for any money for his really, really bad advice he still is hurting people. The very same panic-stricken people he's trying to protect.

Finally, a person with HIV/AIDS has many, many frequent and regular blood tests. After all those trips to the phlebotomist; after all that blood is removed on a regular basis; after all of those little vials of blood are taken you would think--if blood-letting did anything--that somone, somewhere, at sometime would have been healed of AIDS.

Vitamin K

Yep. Vitamin K. That thing that they put into Olestra products to help with--well, there's no polite way to say this--anal leakage. Ok, maybe that was the polite way to say shit oozing uncontrollably from your ass...

This guy, Ashok T. Jaisinghani, got at least one thing right; Vitamin K does indeed help with clotting blood. However, after that, everything goes downhill. Fast.

Mr. Jaisinghani keeps mentioning "Diarrheal AIDS" but never really actually defines what that means or is supposed to mean or what it means in his little head or what. He also seems to think that AIDS is caused by (among other things):

1. Excessive intakes of laxative factors like iodine, vitamin D, chromium, zinc, manganese and magnesium;
2. Phosphoric acid used in foods and drinks, especially cola beverages;
3. Residues of petroleum products like hexane in cooking oils and fats;
4. Paraffin used as a coating on fruits and vegetables, and as a laxative in medicine;
5. Castor oil that is a contaminant in cooking oils and fats, and foodgrains;
6. Aspirin;
7. and Tea.

You'll notice a distinct lack of HIV or even any iota of a mention or suggestion of anything scientific or anything else of the sort. So you know Mr. Jaminghandi is on the up and up...

In regards to tea, Mr. Jiggywithit says, "The consumption of many cups of strong tea can also cause AIDS in susceptible persons like hemophiliacs." And, in a direct contradiction of the Garlic Guy from earlier, he says that garlic can cause AIDS, too. Where the FUCK does this god damn idiot get his information!? He doesn't even have any deceitful testimonials! Surely, anybody in this fake cure business needs to have testimonials to be taken seriously!!! (Of course, I don't take any of this bullshit seriously. It's all just that; bullshit.)

Anyway, the fat soluable Vitamin K helps with blood clotting. In fact, it's essential for it. However, blood clots have absolutely nothing to do with AIDS or even HIV infection. And, making sure your blood clots correctly isn't going to kill any virus in your body.

Whatta maroon. Whattan ignoramus!