ESP

Picture, if you will. A man named Ivan Gellner. Mr. Gellner has ESP but doesn't quite understand what it means. You'll see why later.

But for now, suffice it to say that Mr. Gellner claims to heal people "suffering from AIDS/HIV+". Apparently, he doesn't realize that people don't suffer from HIV+; they are HIV+. Doesn't bode well for the rest of what he says.

Mr. Gellner claims to do this healing through ESP. (Yes, yes, I know that ESP actually means Extra Sensory Perception but this guy apparently uses his perception to "heal" HIV and AIDS.) Is healing in the eye of the beholder??

He doesn't even need to be in the patient's presence to use his perception to heal. "You do not need to go to see me at all, because all is done by the distance/remote healing." "There is no physical contact with the patient's body. I practice so called 'distance healing'."

He goes on:

I exert influence on my patients for over 6 hours daily through meditation and an absolutely clear mind. The essential part is that I do this meditation for all of us. I say "for all of us", because I do meditation also for myself, of course, therefore I really meditate for all my patients concurrently.

This of course, begs the question, why doesn't his healing work for everybody in the world!? Why do people still have HIV and AIDS? Hell, why do people still get colds if this guy is spending 1/4 of his life "meditating" for "all of us"?? Oh, but I digress. Kinda.

He also says, "My personal approach is not to explain anything but trying to heal." So what he means is that he isn't doing a damn thing and wants you to pay him for it. But only after you see some healing effects. What are these healing effects? Well, according to our wonderful friend, Mr. Gellner:

• reduction and healing of many AIDS/HIV+ symptoms
• increase of CD4 cells
• stopped the decrease of CD4
• lowering of VL
• less [sic] side effects from medication
• restoration/rebuilding of the immune system
• whole body optimization
• more energy, and good mental health

What the hell is "whole body optimization"? Does Mr. Galbladder here run some sort of defragmentation program every day for at least six hours for all his rubes? I mean, Clients?

One would think that if the number of one's CD4 cells increased, they'd stop decreasing by definition, but he feels it necessary to make 'em separate. Still not a good sign, eh?

He also advocates continuing to take one's medications after one is diagnosed with "HIV+" regardless of his "healing". He continues and says that you should not expect a quick result from his healing and that it could take several months to see results from what he's doing. Problem is, he ain't doin' shit! He's just telling you to take your medications and then HE takes credit for causing good lab results!!!! STOP TAKING CREDIT FOR WHAT THE MEDICATIONS DO!!!!

Oh, wait. But maybe he's not healing at all. Despite all the claims to "heal" on his website, he says, "Please do not take this as a claim that I can heal it, because I still don’t know. (As of July 2006)"

So, he says he doesn't know and then says he can. And then says he'll charge you a non-refundable "application fee" of $39US to begin the perception of healing he says he doesn't know about. I guess that it's this $39 that begins the "free" four-month healing. Which, by the way, you're warned that the effects of that four-month non-existing healing are only temporary. After that, if you want to continue being thought about in a very, very vague way by someone you've never met, you'll have to pay Mr. Gellner $648US for the first year and then $468 each year after for "Maintenence Healing".

This asshole really does take the cake here. He says to continue taking your medications since his perceptual healing doesn't replace them and then takes credit (and your money) when the medications work.

How much do you want to bet his "meditation" takes place while he's shopping, driving, watching movies, taking vacations, flying to Italy, lying on the beach, etc.???

Faith

Yes, after a very busy September here on the blog, I ran into a brick wall through all of October. So shoot me. I'm not getting paid for this. (Now, if you want to pay me for this, you're more than welcome to!!)

Anyway, on to Faith....

It seems the HIV/AIDS:1 chat room on Yahoo! goes through spurts of various people trying to get the chatters there to buy some "cure". The most recent spat was a bunch of people spewing that through faith alone, one can cure HIV and AIDS. One of 'em even starting singing pathetically supposedly uplifting christian music on the microphone into the room. Well, I suppose it would be most accurate to call it "vocalizing". He couldn't sing. Not even carry a tune in a bucket. It was amusing and horrible both at the same time.

I don't have Yahoo! handles for ya this time (mainly 'cause my mind is like a seive) so you'll just have to take my word for this one. I asked one (or maybe more, I don't really know) what he or she would say to the billions who have HIV or AIDS that weren't cured through "faith" or prayer. And to the reply (which I forget), I asked, "So, if the person wasn't cured, it was the person's fault for not having enough faith, right? It had nothing to do with HIV and AIDS not being curable??" I remember one of them logged off the chat room right after being asked that.

And, I know I asked a couple of these folks how they knew the person with "faith" had been cured. One of 'em replied that he'd seen the "HIV Papers" of the person. When asked what he meant by "HIV Papers", he logged off.

Still others said that with prayer, one can be cured from HIV or AIDS. I pointed out the results of a study done in England near the beginning of 2006 that indicated that prayer had no positive effect on the recovery of people in the hospital. And, in some cases (where the patient knew he or she was being prayed for), the patient actually got worse rather than better. So, prayer does nothing. Zilch. Nada. And, can even hurt people.

I also pointed out that since God will do anything he wants to anyway, their prayers wouldn't force God to do anything.

Finally, some even said that God can do anything. But, according to Judges 1:19, God couldn't "drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had chariots of iron.". And, in Hebrews 6:18 "It was impossible for God to lie." So, God can't do anything. These people generally don't like this part of the discussion....

It's pathetic. These people think they're helping folks but they really aren't. They're really just being arrogant religious nut cases. "If you had the faith that I do, you'd be cured". That isn't uplifting nor is it helpful. Face it. There is no known cure for HIV nor for AIDS. I wish these poeple would get this simple little fact through their brains....

("Let the negative commentary commence!!!")

Four Herbs from a Dream.....

"I have a dream! A dream about you, Baby!"

"Dream a little dream of me!"

Of all the stupid......

Some idiot's wife had a dream about four herbs. Or maybe she was in a trance. Or maybe it was just a dream-like state. Who fucking knows? Who fucking cares? A user of eHealthForums.com, Budha3 says, "My wife saw four herbs in a dream that she said will cure aids and cancer." But over on the web site for his book which Budha3 mentions, he says, "she was in a trance-like, dream-like state." Whichever; it doesn't matter.

What does kinda matter is that this fucker can't even use correct grammar. "... she did not no anything about...", "...the herbs that she saw were each a nemisis to Aids...", "Other scientist are citing his work.", etc.

And then there's the whopper "sentence" here:

Edward Calabrese, a respected professor of toxicology at the University of Massachusetts, endured ridicule as he gathered evidence showing that small amounts of poisons, even cancer-causing chemicals such as dioxin, can be good for you, Calabrese's work suggest that for many chemicals, exposure to a low level may be healthier than no exposure at all, Though long relegated to the scientific fringe, Calabrese's idea is suddenly being taken seriously.

I'm willing to belive some of this guy's grammar problems are typos, but not all of them. I mean, SHEESH! This guy needs an editor!! BADLY! (What self-respecting book publisher would even give an author who wrote like that the fucking time of day!??)

What are these Dream-Herbs? Well, he doesn't name all four but he does say in one of his posts that two of the herbs (which aren't toxic) are (Drum roll, please....) Spearmint and Iodine! (Iodine??? Since when is iodine a fuckin' herb???)

Does the guy ever fucking say what all the Dream-Herbs are? Of course not. You hafta buy the stupid book to find out; and this stupid book is a whopping 57 pages long. That's not a book; that's a fucking long letter....

Of course, with iodine suddenly being classified as an herb, maybe--just maybe--the other two "herbs" will be uranium and petrified wooly mammoth piss....

Among this guy's other books is a book titled, "How to Avert a Curse in Five Words or Less" (now available from Barnes and Noble!) Hey! Give the nutcase a look! It's worth a laugh or two or a dozen...

(This originally came from the forums over on eHealth. Well, at least thats how I first found it...)

Yellow Dock Root

Ran across this one somehow on a site called (I think) HaitiCentral.com. And, naturally, all information from Haiti is good and reliable medical advice. Of course!

Well, according to a user, "Satin silk", "Yellow Dock Infusion cures AIDS." No research is provided. No facts. No nothin'. Just the word of a "Cherokee Herbalist". This Satin Silk joker also says to simply munch on wheat grass if one doesn't have a juicer. Oh, yippee. Sign me up. I wanna look like a fuckin' cow munchin' on my lawn. Or the lawnmower man from the Stephen King story of the same name. (Not the movie; the movie, while decent, had little to do with the story...) Afterall, the Unnamed Cherokee Herbalist and a (ooooh!) Medicine Woman have cured lots of people by using Yellow Dock Infusion along with Wheat Grass Juice.

The "Satin Silk" twit tells ya to just go out and dig up some Yellow Dock, chop its roots into bits and make a strong tea out of it. At about an ounce per pint of water. (No, no research to back up the dosage.) And finishes with "I hope this is helpful to anybody who has a friend who has AIDS." Gee. How nice. Thanks.

Ok, so I Googled "Yellow Dock" and came up with the scientific name, rumex crispus. Which, when Googled yielded a site run by the USDA in among all the annoying sites hawking herbs for medicinal uses. (Yippee!!! Actuall, real information!!!) Well, sort of anyway. The site which came up from the USDA on rumex crispus was for curly dock--not yellow dock. But, when searching for yellow dock on the USDA site, nothin' popped up. So, I'm going to assume that the fuckin' herbalists are all wrong.

Look. Going around and digging up plants and then making a tea out of its crushed roots can have dangerous effects. If you happen to dig up the wrong plant, you could poison yourself. Digging up the plant in the wrong spot can be illegal. It's just fucking stupid.

On the other hand, since yellow dock is on the noxious weed list for some US states and is not native to the United States, go ahead and dig it up. (If it's not native, how the fuck does a "Cherokee Herbalist" know squat about it???) Just don't think that drinking an "infusion" of its chopped roots and munching on wheat grass like a cow is going to do squat for HIV infection or AIDS.

Parasite Popperz

Although they sound like some deep-fried appetizer at T.G.I.Friday's, they're actually little things that send "low frequency" though your body to kill parasites. At least that's what the fuckin' stupid Yahoo! member, "Giftpowers" said.

Of course, in the chat room, he kept misspelling nearly everything. Parasite became "paracite". His wholly underwhelming website is hardly anything but poor spelling. And this asshole is trying to get people in the chat room to send him $100 for this bullshit "Parasite Popperz" thing. And this fuckjob is one of those at the top of the totem pole; there is no middle man to his bullshit device--he makes them himself.

How to use the bullshit? One takes a "papertowlette" and moistens it. Then one takes hold of the hand holds and turns it on. Though, I still don't quite know why a "moistened papertowlette" is necessary and what one does with it. Does one just leave the "moistened papertowlette" sitting on the counter? Does it go on one's head? Does one simply throw the "moistened papertowlette" away after getting it wet? Does the brand matter? Bounty? Do they need to be of a specific thickness to get the best benefits? Minds like mine need to know!!!

Now, where was I?.... Oh, yes.... Gripping the hand holds....

After gripping the hand holds, the "low frequency" then courses through the body and zaps all parasites! Low frequency what? Deposits into one's bank account? Low frequency sound? Does a sub-woofer work as well as this bullshit? How many hertz? 60? 120? I NEED to know!!!!

Oh, and by the way, AIDS isn't a syndrome anymore; it's a physical entity called a Paracite [sic]. Put that in your peer-reviewed journal, Nature!!! Well, at least according to this "son of a wholisitic practicioner".

But, after significant badgering and immediately after my asking him where his "reasearch" into this bullshit was published, he vanished from the chat room. Big fuckin' surprise.

UPDATE 3: ParaZapper™

Ya know, I really hate to take delight in someone's business being shut down but I'll make an exception for ParaDevices, the maker of ParaZapper™. (ParaZapper™ is a trademark of Para Systems and Devices, LLC even though they can't sell them anymore.)

Please see the original ParaZapper™ post for my original commentary on this bullshit device.

Apparently, sometime over the past year, the FDA has decided that these electronic "zappers" don't do what they claim to do. (Well knock me down and call me Sally!) Further, the FDA have shut down all retail operations selling them. (And here, I do a little Happy Dance!)

According to a note on the Para Systems and Devices, LLC web site, "Until Further notice, Due to problems with the FDA, ParaZapper will not be selling zappers."

I have contacted David Etheredge, owner and operator of the Para Systems and Devices, LLC web site for comments but, so far, I haven't received a response. Not that I really expect one. He's kinda a jerk.

So, in closing, I have one very childish thing to say to Mr. Etheredge, "Neener! Neener! Neener!"

(And, everybody, please, don't really knock me down and call me Sally.)

Samayz

Back to Africa and the Middle East....

About a month ago, the HIV/AIDS:1 chat room on Yahoo! was inundated with a slough of idiots promoting this crap, Samayz, as a cure for HIV and AIDS. It's since died down significantly (and we're all happier now) but it's still stuck in my brain. So here we go.

This Samayz shit is derived from snake venom. Which snake? Who knows!? They don't say.

Of course, I asked the guys (or gals) trying to get people to buy this shit (at $599 for 1.5 cc, no less) if they had proof that it worked, if their results had been published in a medical journal, if they were doctors, blah, blah, blah... (If you've been reading this blog at all, you know the usual questions.) (Yes, I'm kinda lazy today. Tired as hell.) Of course, they answered all of these questions incorrectly if they actually had an actual cure.

And, yes, you read that correctly. Six hundred bucks for a measly 1.5 cc. Or, about $1,511,640.39 per US gallon. And you thought gasoline was expensive.....

And not only will this shit cure HIV and AIDS, it'll help with cancer pain, bursitis, various types of herpes (they say it'll actually cure herpes, too!), hepetitis B and C, and a cart load of other ailments.

Oh, and they also try to cover their ass by saying in their FAQ, "Saymyaz has not been approved for sale in the U.S. at this time. " But, I'm sure they'd mail it to anybody in the U.S. if they got some money for it. Fuckin' assholes.

Obviously with the list of other ailments that these asses say this shit will cure they're just trying to maximize their market-base. This is just another example of people trying to take advantage of people desperate for a cure where none exist.

Mediatation (a.k.a. Meditation)

This cure comes from some fucking idiot nim-rod with the Yahoo! handle "vaguefeelingofdiscomfort". This insanely stupid person claims that by meditation alone (he first called it "mediatation") he got rid of HIV in his blood as evidenced by the negative HIV test result he most recently got.

The problem is that's also the only HIV test he's ever taken. You may very well ask yourself at this point "How can he know he got rid of HIV when he never even had a test to prove he had it in the first place?"... And an exceptionally valid question. When I asked this moron (I'll call him Vague) the same question he said that he had all the "symptoms" of HIV. Considering that HIV infection has no true symptoms that you can just look at and tell, I asked him what symptoms he had. He replied, "fatigue...slightly almost unnoticable enlarged lymphnodes". Sounds like mono to me. And I told him so. He said his doctor didn't say it was mono or the flu or mumps. In fact, his doctor told him he didn't have anything wrong. NOTHING WAS WRONG!!!

At this point, a room regular whom I shall call "Cetacebimjo" and who occasionally reads this blog piped in with "Eating a bad camel will give you those symptoms" which I thought was funny.

Like the fool I am, I pressed onward. "Why do you INSIST that your fatigue and 'barely noticable' enlarged lymph nodes were caused by HIV?" I asked.

To which he replied, "i had headache too". At this point, I just kinda assumed this fucker didn't quite understand English. Oh, and he had a "rash".

And still, I pressed onward. "Why do you insist that these 'symptoms' (which HIV infection does NOT cause) were caused by HIV infection???"

And, again, he replied with another "symptom", "i saw some vague white spots on my tongue".

Oh, so he had plaque. Big whoop. So I suggested that the "vague white spots" were simply plaque. And, displaying his vast medical knowledge with which he diagnosed himself with an ailment that doesn't cause the symptoms he was experiencing, he asked, "whats plaque? ... is it plague or plaque".

And, once again, I berated him telling him that if he didn't know what plaque was he was in no position to diagnose anybody with anything. And, like the ill-fated giant mechanical worm in "The Core", I pressed onward again and asked why he thought he had HIV in the first place.

And thus the friendly neighborhood hypochondriac got skeered and left the room. The numb-skull never did explain why he thought his ridiculous symptoms were caused by HIV. Going so far to call his spleen (which was almost undetecably "enlarged") a lymph node. Apparently, anything in the lymphatic system is a "node" to this guy.

Just when I think I've seen the worst of these fuckers, someone new comes along...

And, now, back to the chat room to lie in wait....

AL 721

It's more than just a seemingly random collection of letters and numbers. It's not a new Gas/Water Hybrid SUV from Mitsubishi with a 1-cylinder engine. It's "A more promising and simpler alternative cure" than AZT. (Nevermind that AZT doesn't cure HIV nor AIDS; just helps stop the virus from replicating.) This is according to A Web Site on Alternative AIDS Cures. (Nevermind, also, that there is no known fucking cure for AIDS in the first place; how can there be "Alternative" cures???)

What is AL 721 if it isn't a new Mercedes? It's "Active Lupids at a ratio of 7:2:1" and made from chicken egg yolks. (Hey! I wonder if this has anything to do with the brain worms from last year??) And, like everything these sorts of fuckers put out, it has "no side effects". Really? Not even for those who have an allergy to chicken eggs??

AL 721 is a "buttery substance" which is used on toast in the morning for "several weeks until the symptoms disappear". There ARE NO SYMPTOMS of HIV or AIDS. (Well, in the broad sense, anyway. You can't look at a person which HIV and see something that definitively indicates that person has HIV. Or AIDS for that matter.) What the FUCK is this asshole talking about!?

All this shit is is mayonaise. Fucking Best Foods Mayonaise. Eat mayonaise on your toast in the morning and cure AIDS! Yippee!!!

(Ok, to be downright fair and all that shit (something these fuckers don't allow themselves) I don't really know how this AL 721 shit is made. But mayonaise *is* made from egg yolks.)

(Best Foods Mayonaise has nothing to do with this post. Nothing to do with this Blog. It is a fine mayonaise and terrific in potato salad. Now, get off my back you damn monkey-lawyer!)

Tetrasilver Tetroxide

Someone asked me in a comment to one of the posts on this blog to "review" Tetrasilver Tetroxide and to find out if it cures AIDS or not.

The short answer: No, it does not. There is no known cure for HIV nor for AIDS. If an actual cure for HIV or for AIDS had been found it would have been all over CNN for several days and it simply wouldn't be a secret.

The longer answer follows.

I Googled for "tetrasilver tetroxide AIDS" and came up with several sites. Some touting it as a cure and others debunking it. One of the sites debunking it's HIV-Curative properites was www.thebody.com, a site I respect highly. They are a repository of common-sense and good medical information in terms that one doesn't need a degree in Medicine nor science to understand. [commercial over]

A Dr. Pierone (who *does* have a Medical Degree) addresses tetrasilver tetroxide says to "Stay away from the stuff like the plague." I'd have to agree. It's just another in a long line of bullshit.

Mala (From the "Here in Africa" Plant)

Mysterious Mala. Marvelous Mala. Ubiquitous Mala.

Ok, maybe "ubiquitous" was a bit much (but what do you expect from a blog that takes too long to write on a crappy Dial-up internet connection??).

Yahoo! User "fathermc2006" (I assume it's not M.C. Hammer trying to get some money...) has this, uh, thing called "Mala" which he says (in a private message or IM to me) "Cures HIV/AIDS."

But that isn't what he started out with. He started out trying to get me to buy anti-HIV medications such as, I suppose because he never listed them (I should have just made up a name like "Hivivatia"), Sustiva, Epivir, Zerit, Abacavir, Combivir, etc. from him in Africa. Why? It's only my suspicion (which is usually right) because he would take the money and then never send a damn thing. And why do I believe this is what he'd do? Well, read on...

So, When I asked him which medications he had, he said he has "native drugs for HIV/AIDS". And, after some poking and prodding and some beration, he said he had a "native drug" called Mala. All one has to do to get the drug is to pay this M.C. Hammer rip-off an "application fee". We'll get to that later....

And, what is this "Mala"? It's a plant called "Here in Africa". Really! I asked him "What plant [is Mala from]?" and he replied "Here in Africa." I'll hafta check with the local botany department at the university but I don't think there's a plant called "Here in Africa"...

Oh, and of course he has proof. Sorta. He says he's a doctor but didn't go to medical school. But Mala was tested by "some medical doctors" whose results were published "here in Nigeria, Ghana, Kenya, Togo etcs. [sic]".

And, when I asked him "How do you measure HIV being 'Cured'?" he said, "You have to pay for application fee before I wil [sic] answer any qestion [sic] from you." So, I have to give this asshole some money before he'll even answer questions!? What the FUCK!?

I asked him how many people had been "cured". "2 million". Yep! Two Million people cured of AIDS from the "Here in Africa" plant. And it's never been on CNN!? I asked for a name of ONE of these millions. He said I had to pay the application fee. He couldn't even make up a fake name and testimonial!!??? He's not working very hard.

And how much is this "application fee"? It's $1,000. Yep. For just $1,000 I could get this fucker to answer questions. I asked him where I would find the "application" and he said he'd send it to me after receiving my $1,000. What the FUCK!?!? (again!)

This lazy-ass bullshitter is sitting' there in an internet cafe in Nigeria expecting people with HIV and AIDS to just send him $1,000 for a fucking application! This is one fucking lazy scammer! He doesn't even have the creativity to make up fake people and testimonials!!

And, for the record, here is his "contact information" he sent to me so I could send him that fucking "application fee":

fathermc2006: YOU WANT MY CONTACT ADDRESS.
fathermc2006: HERE IS MY
TELEPHONE NUMBER 234:08033219623
fathermc2006: MY CONTACT ADDRESS NUMBER 78
KING HASSAN ROAD, NARAYI HIGH COST KADUNA CITY, NIGERIA.
fathermc2006: MY NAME IS DR. JUDE NNEBO.

What a fucking dipshit!

Bio-Lyfe Immune Booster

This bullshit came to me from an unusual place; this very blog. You've probably noticed those "Ads by Goooooogle" things on every damn page. I stuck 'em on here to try to make a tiny bit of money. And this Parazapper™ rip-off was one of the ads. So I clicked on it... And it made me laugh. So, here we go!!!

The bullshit Bio-Lyfe Immune Booster (Patent Pending) hails from Australia. And, although I've never been there, I like Australia. So this isn't a rant against the country/continent.

The device, which delivers a "high voltage, muti-wave electrical signal," was studied by Australian scientists in Afria during a grueling, intensive study in Africa. Their results showed marked improvment in the large test sample.

Ok, now it's time to define a couple words for the purpose of this blog entry. "Grueling" and "intenstive" means it was studied for two months. Two whole months. "Marked Improvement" means a measly 6% improvement (which could just be normal fluctuations; it's difficult to tell over such a short time period). "Large test sample" means 26 people. So, in reality, these "scientists" "studied" just over 50 people (half were the control group and the other half did the bullshit) for two months and consider that enough fucking evidence to claim their bullshit device works. And, to be completely fair, they do publish their, uh, "research" paper on the "study" on the site.

I'm no research scientist but even I can find problems with their methodolgy. They say nothing of the even the most basic demographics of the test sample other than age and sex (only two females). Nothing at all about their general health, nothing about how long they've been infected with HIV, whether or not they have any active infections, whether or not they've been diagnosed with AIDS, whether or not the patient is doing anything to treat their HIV infection... NOTHING.

Further, in the "research" paper, they say, "...Many AIDS-infected patients in Angola go without any anti-viral treatment." Any self-respecting doctor would know to call it "anti-retroviral" treatment. Further, nobody is "infected" with AIDS; one is infected by HIV which causes the syndrome which is called AIDS. And, for the "control group" they simply randomly chose patients--without their knowledge nor consent--at the hospital who were HIV positive but not taking any medications for their HIV infection.

I picked a test-sample patient at random; #25. His Viral load at Months 0, 1, and 2 were, respectively, 737,138, 547,288, and 685,214. While I didn't know they could get that kind of precision at those levels--all I've ever seen is round thousands at those levels (i.e., 708,000, 570,000, etc.)--I'm willing to let that precision go. However, those numbers simply REEK of standard fluctuations in one's Viral Load!

It goes on. With silly graphs and someone's drawing--a drawing, not a picture--of the Bio-Lyfe device. Ultimately, if this were a serious study of the effects of the device on HIV-infection, the "research paper" only indicates a need for further, more complete, peer-reviewed, double-blind study and not these idiot's claims that the thing actually works. In almost any research, you always find what you're looking for. (Cold Fusion, for example.) And these people wanted this device to work, so it does. For them. So long as they interpret the data.

And, Finally, they claim this bullshit device "can be used by an individual or shared by up to 100 other people." I assume in some sort of hand-holding circle around the device.... Kum-bye-ya, baby!

Retro X-40

Oh so many months ago, one "weakie2000" sauntered into the chat room on Yahoo!, plopped down his little soap box, grabbed his cane and started expousing the wonders of this "Retro X-40". What is this crap, you ask? Well, as best I can tell, it's a bunch of herbs. Weakling2000 directed me to www.hannasherbshop.com but I'll be dammed if I can find any thing having to do with Retro X-40. But, here's what Squeakie2000 had to say about it.

• Note I did not say cure yet. The Free speech law does not apple to the word cure except by Dr's who are allowed to Kill you with drugs.
• It is all done by self responsibility! Learn for yourself at your local Health food store.
• Then one may have to deal with various, Flukes: blood, liver, lung, intinstinal, and more. Then figure what the next layer is.

No, I have no idea what Weaker was tryin' to say with that second quote...

Regardless, Weakie2000 finished with, "There are many types of microscopic parasites, various Flukes and other worms bacteria, and virus'"

To which, I replied, "Weakie: Do these parasites cause HIV and AIDS infection?"

And, weakie's reply was among the stupidest I've seen on the chat room: "If your mind is closed it doesn't matter."

Look, herbs (and many, many other plants not classified as herbs) do contain compounds which can have an effect on the body. That's why rhubarb leaves are poisonious and why you shouldn't consume certain flower seeds. But these compounds are either too weak to do anything substantial to a virus such as HIV or simply don't do anything at all. It can be chalked up to the placebo effect. There is still no cure for HIV nor AIDS. Though, if the cure can be found in herbs and other plants, more power to the researchers! (But at least get the results published in a medical journal, for Pete's sake!!!)

Noni Juice

Way back in August 2005, back when I had a decent and reliable internet connection (Oh, how I long for those days!!!) Yahoo! Member darin992002 popped into the HIV/AIDS chat room and said that "Noni juice is a miracle drug for HIV" and that it cured him of being paralyzed.

The only way I can think that any sort of juice would cure paralysis is if the paralysis was caused by dehydration. So I can only think that Darin here was severely dehydrated. Big whoop. Water would have done that.

As far as Noni juice being a "miracle drug for HIV", well, I can only direct you to http://noni.worldwidewarning.net/ which is a somewhat comprehensive listing of all the problems surrounding both the distribution and promotion of noni juice. Needless to say (at least around this blog), Noni Juice does N-O-T-H-I-N-G. And, in fact, might even be harmful. So, Darin992002 is full of shit.

Not Having Sex

And now, for a word from the religious right...

The folks at Turning Point Ranch say on their web site at http://www.tpranch.org/Cure%20for%20AIDS.htm that the cure for AIDS is abstinence. Yes, indeed, simply by not having sex, we can cure AIDS... Oh, but not for those who already have it, only for the vast majority of those who don't have it. Sorta like blaming the person for getting sick. If you get the flu, it's your own damn fault for breathing.

And, to be fair, yes, if everybody stopped having sex, the incidence of HIV transmission would drop dramatically. (And so would the birth rate....) But they ignore one basic fact: Sex is Fun. Sex feels good. You simply can't expect the entire world to stop having sex because you think it's a good idea.

They also talk about "AIDS-infected men". And that's just wrong terminology. Nobody is infected with AIDS. Nobody "gets" AIDS. People get infected with HIV which then can develop into AIDS. It may be splitting hairs but I think it's also an important distinction.

Anyway, if nobody had sex anymore, AIDS will go away. (Except for those who get it through sharing needles. Or from needle sticks in the ER. The site conviently ignores those two different infection vectors... Ah, well... We can't win 'em all...)

Restorazine

Every now and then something comes along that just makes me laugh outloud... This Bullshit Restorazine is one of those things. According to one "Doctor" Deswin Fisi Adubiaro (who had wandered aimlessly into the HIV/AIDS:1 chat room on Yahoo! bumping his head on the door knob on his way in) from Nigeria at his badly written web site Restorazine is known for "restoring the dead back to normal life..." Yes indeedy folks, this week's bullshit will raise the dead!!!!! Must be powerful damn stuff... (You'd think H.P. Lovecraft would have known about this thing for "Reanimator"; jus' keep that body-less head with the nasty tongue away from me!!!!)

According to the web site above (also titled "EZEKIEL 37 THERAPIES"; yes in all caps) Restorazine not only is a cure for HIV/AIDS it is also described in the sentence fragment, "A remedy (Flying on Eagles Wing)." Whatever the hell that means. But, this Dr. Fuki guy damns the Run-On Sentence Cops and says it's "A scientifically researched and refined herbal mixture of 13 solid herbal ingredients that are very effective in eliminating and eradicating deadly micro-organisms in human system [sic] e.g. Virus, Bacteria, Fungi, Protozoan and Parasites." Take that, you copper!!!

On the "Our Vision" page, Dr. Fiji rattles out another Run-on sentence offense in, "The story that led to this evergreen glory {Discovery of RESTORAZINE} came into being in the month of February 2nd, 2001 through an unforgettable dream and after that, Dr Fisi humbly went into series of research after when he had requested from God and confirmed that his dream is a reality to come." I hate to jus' mock someone's punctuation and all (I know I have my moments, you know, with these, things, you know, like commas, and such) but this guy really should hire an editor.

Regardless. So, it came to him in a dream... Last night I had a dream I was looking through a manufactured home that was floating in space. Really. I was. Does that mean I should be making the International Mobile Space Trailer a reality??

Not only does this bullshit cure HIV and AIDS, Dr. Fuki blurts out the statement, "RESTORAZINE- Making the world a healthy and purified Planet." No, really. He says that; again, on the Our Vision page.

Elsewhere, he says, "This remedy is so powerful to an extent that it knocks off even some other diseases that no other remedy made for HIV AIDS can eliminate peacefully in human system, e.g. "KARPOSI SARCOMA". This disease happens in cancer patients most and whoever develops it will be made to know that it can't be treated but RESTORAZINE takes it off and restore back good life."

Apparently, he doesn't know that KS (Kaposi's Sarcoma in its correct spelling) *IS* a cancer. It's a skin cancer. So, naturally--by definition--someone with KS is a cancer patient.

Dr. Figit seems to have just the barest nugget of truth, a smidgeon of good intentions and a whole truck load of bad information, bad photography, bad medicine, and outrageously bizarre claims. He doesn't even have the nerve to put up scientifically reviewed testimonials. He's like an amature in this HIV/AIDS Cure Game. If he really wants to play with the big dogs, he'll hafta get up to speed faster. Oh, and, like, learn how to write, really well, sentences with all the right, and correct, punctuation and then he can pay his fines to the run on sentence cops so he can then hire an editor for his web site and so he can finally start at least appearing like he's making sense. (I wonder if Restorazine can repair bad grammar....)

(To be fair, in the chat room when I asked if this product can raise the dead, "Dr." Fisi said that it doesn't do that. No shit, Sherlock. And it doesn't cure AIDS nor HIV infection, either.)

Immuno QR

I've always known that the best way to get advanced medical knowledge (such as a cure for AIDS) to the vast world-wide population is through shouting in a comment made to a blog. That whole scientific review process just takes too long and they require all sorts of annoying things like facts, research, and reproducability. As a case in point, some user named "WW" commented on a blog entry about Magic Johnson. And he used all caps which not only makes it difficult to read, it also means he was SHOUTING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS! Oh, and he didn't use any punctuation, either; which is a clear sign of the obvious truth and scientific research he's done on this "Immuno QR" crap. Here--unedited--is what he said:

THERE IS A CURE FOR AIDS AND HIV IMMUNO QR AND IT IS ON THE MARKET ON THE INTERNET FOR 240 BUCKS LOOOK IT UP IT WAS DISCOVERED OVER 10 YEARS AGO BUT THE DAMN FDA WONT APPROVE OF IT BECAUSE THEY MAKE WAY TOO MUCH MONEY ON OVER THE COUNTER BULLSHIT ASS MEDICINE.

I had NO idea that the FDA gets its money and funding from actually selling medications!

For those that can't really make heads nor tails of WW's, uh, information here's what he typed with appropriate punctuation and not in all caps: "There is a cure for AIDS and HIV--Immuno QR--and it is on the market on the internet for 240 bucks. Look it up. It was discovered over 10 years ago but the damn FDA won't approve of it because they make way too much money on over-the-counter bullshit ass medicine."

Ok, so I've Googled for "Immuno QR". And here's what I was able to discover about it.

The first site that came up for it says, "The said drug called "Immuno QR" has not gone through any scientific trial and the claim of any success should have been published in any of the scientific journals in India or abroad " Interesting. So I move on.

The second site (which sells Immuno QR) says, "That is why immuno-QR is effective in many otherwise incurable disease. It is very effective in the treatment of killer viral diseases Immuno-QR is also found to cure Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma and S.L.E. as well as Rheumatoid Arthritis." But no mention of HIV. Kinda contradictory, don't ya think?

And the serach results go on and on. Needless to say, Immuno QR doesn't cure anything except the empty wallets of the assholes who sell it to desperate people. (Maybe even to desperate housewives; but I'm not sure.)

Urine

Splashing our way back into the icky file (see: The Sputnik) we come to the, uh, other end of things. Yes, kids, urine can cure AIDS. If you don't believe me check the obviously credible and scientifically reviewed and studied testimonials at http://users.erols.com/martinlara/testimo.html. He has two of them so you know they're not made up. But, the jist of the first one is this:

Some guy named Max Caicedo was visiting his family in Puerto Rico. He apparently had been given "month or two to live" by his doctors so he apparently though it was <sob!> the last time. He had "opportunistic infections caused by AIDS." (Nevermind that AIDS is defined partially by having opportunistic infections (OI) and that those OIs are caused by HIV weakening the immune system so it can't fight off the viruses, etc. which cause the OI. That's where the word "opportunistic" comes from; they take the opportunity to infect. But I digress...)

The testimonial continues and says that he'd been taking "medication for several years", was in a wheelchair, was very weak and was <SOB!> "close to death." But some gullible, loving niece <clutch pearls here> in New York had faith he would recover. She illegally recorded a lecture this Martin Lara freak gave on an unnamed radio station in New York and "rushed the tape to her uncle". There was <dab tears with hanky> no time to loose--"Caicedo had lost faith and had already paid for funeral services and a cemetery plot."

(We'll be right back after this word from our sponsors. "SUCKER!")

Since he had <grasp loved-one's hand> "nothing left to lose" (except his dignity and fresh breath) he listened to the tape and decided to toss out all his medications and start drinking his own piss. After all, everything one hears on the radio has got to be true, right? "This is a decision that he will never regret because it saved his life."

Within three days Mr. Lara says this guy "had eliminated more excrement than in the previous six months." <release loved-one's hand and run for the bathroom to vomit...> "All his aches and pains were gone by the first week and his appetite and desire to live were back 100 percent. Within 10 days he had no need for the wheelchair and was gaining weight." Six weeks after the radio interview" (Interview? What interview? The stupid testimonial never mentioned an interview...) "he attended one of my monthly lectures to describe his positive experience with Uropathy." Mr. Lara says Caicedo was a new man (with bad breath) who had gained 30 pounds. (I'm guessing it was all water weight.) And, six months later, he was a globe-trotting trendsetter visiting Mexico and Miami and was on his way to Spain.

Ok, I've read up on this bullshit and here's what I understand the thinking behind drinking your own piss to be. The kidneys filter out what the body doesn't need at that moment and then it's eliminated in urine. Since, there are possibly some stuff in that urine that you simply didn't need at the moment it was filtered through your kidneys you can reingest that urine to get that stuff back into your body. And, by doing this, you get the best possible use out of everything you eat. Provided it's liquid, I guess.

Why not just eat more of the thing that provided the nutrients in the first place!?!? Why do these fuckers think that drinking something your body's already gotten rid of is good! I really hate to admit it but I know of several people who are, uh, into water sports--I don't mean the type you'd see at the summer Olympics--and they haven't been cured of anything!

No matter how nicely Mr. Lara or Mr. Caicedo ask I am not having them people over for a cocktail party...

Honey, Vaseline, and the Koran

Dateline Lagos, Nigeria. The date, April 22, 2001. The news source, Reuters. The writer, D'Arcy Doran.

As reported on Boston.com back in 2001, "the state assembly in northern Kano passed a bill endorsing a group claiming a spiritual cure for AIDS."

Their house health commitee (obviously a well respected and published group of doctors, researchers, and educators and not a bunch of hoodwinked politicians as one might expect from a state assembly) says that it "had studied clinical data and was satisfied with the cure, which involves smearing honey and petroleum jelly on sufferers and reading verses of the Koran."

And here we've all been doing it wrong. We've been reading verses from the Book of Mormon and certain passages from The Watchtower. Damn!

I wonder which verses from the Koran (Quran, take your pick) one is suppose to read... Is it the one about helping the lot of orphans (2:220) or the one that says to be kind and to forbid injustice (22:41) or the ones that say that unbelievers will suffer an "awful doom" (2:6; 2:114; 3:176; 5:33; 14:2; 35:7 et. al.).

Inquiring minds want to know!

(And I'm not saying anything bad about Vaseline^®. It's a fine product even if it does taste awful on a slice of toast. And the Koran is not alone among religious texts dooming unbelievers. The Bible is filled with that crap.)

Water - The Sequel

New! Bigger! LONGER! WETTER!

I don't quite now how to start in on this one. This comes from the loonies over on Curezone.com; a repository of sound, quality, and fully researched advice. In a message posted to their forums, a user calling himself "-2tuff-" makes the utterly ridiculous statment, "Theres NOTHING a water fast of proper length cannot cure and thats been proven for oooo the last 7000 years whilst its been in use possibly more." He/she/it then goes on to say, "Again Viruses etc can be beat just with Fasting if done correctly (meaning more than 1 day haha) and when I say this I mean anything up to 70 days but most times 30 days tops."

Ok, so. Just by ingesting water, and only water, for a long enough period of time, all illnesses will go away. OF COURSE THEY WILL, you FUCKING NIMROD!!! An untreated cold has a length of about 5-7 days. The flu, about two weeks. I suppose -2tuff- would say that if you did a water fast for 5-7 days, you'd knock out the cold. The body will knock out the illness on its own! And, if it doesn't, you'll die. (I'd personally hate to have a chronic cold for the rest of my life...) And, if you die, the illness goes away with you!

This is how superstitions get started. If you find that your water fast didn't cure your flu, well, you didn't do it long enough and it's all your fault. You gotta do it again. And again. Until, voila!, your flu is gone! And you owe it all to ingesting only water for the entire duration! Has nothing to do with the virus just running its course...

And, on top of all this, he pricelessly lambasts the Beck Protocol for being completely wrong! I *love* it when these bullshitters start attacking each other's bullshit! (I tackle the bullshit Beck Protocol back at the end of July 2005 on this blog. Check the archives. I'd've linked to it, but it spans four days.)

(GOD! I love doing this! Even if it becomes drudgery at times, every now and then something like this comes along and makes it all worth it! I'm still trying to find out if Chemtrails cause AIDS...)