"What the heck is Armenicum?" you ask? Well, it's from Armenia. Over there right next to Turkey in Asia. Yes, cute little Armenia; 220-ish miles long, 110-ish miles wide. It's so adorable! (Actually, I know a guy who is Armenian and he is cute and adorable. And little; about 5'2". Hmm... Must be something in the water.)
Anyway, Amenia is rather tight-lipped about Armenicum is exactly as it's a "State Secret". But, over on some Bible Code web site they (I don't know who the amorphous "they" are in this case) list a few things about Armenicum.
- It's a dark brown liquid. (Hmmm... Could be.... COFFEE maybe!? TURKISH Coffee??)
- It burns the veins if injected too quickly. (HOT coffee??)
- It makes the "patient" feel like running. (Running away from the person injecting coffee into their blood stream, perhaps?)
- It restores breathing. (If you aren't breathing, you're dead. So, Armenicum brings the dead back to life?? Call H.P. Lovecraft!!!)
- It cured AIDS in 130 people in 7 years (since 1998). (Yeah, right. Why haven't you published in JAMA, The Journal of the American Medical Association??)
And, finally, the mysterious They (and not the bad 2002 movie) use the Bible Code to, I guess, add authority to their claims. The Bible Code!? Sheesh! What nut-job came up with this Bible Code as a way to predict things that have already happened? (Events that have already happened are the easiest to predict. Try it! It's EASY!)
If you don't already know what the Bible Code is I'll try to explain it briefly. Believers in the Bible Code believe that there are messages coded into the original hebrew text of the Bible. And, by searching for specific words whose letters are equidistant from each other, one can decode the code. Words "cross" each other and appear "close" to each other and modify the original word's meaning. Then, it's up to the person doing this searching to interpret the, uh, results.
The problem with the Bible Code is ANY sufficiently long text has such literary features and it doesn't mean it was inspired by God or anybody else. "War and Peace", "Vanity Fair", "Nicholas Nickleby", and I'm sure "Webster's Unabridged Dictionary" all have the same features. And, now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure the hypothetical monkies pounding on hypothetical typewriters could produce the same hypothetical "code" in their hypothetical work. I call it the Monkey Code. (What else??)
Look, Armenia, I'm sure you're a fine country. And I have no problem with you in general. You're frankly, too small to worry about. (Though, there is that cute and adorable guy I mentioned.) You have not cured 130 people of AIDS. There is a whole slough of tests to be done before you should ethically start injecting things into people. A mysterious "group member" can't simply wake up one day and decide that the tests are taking too long and inject himself. Yeah, that worked for impotence in one story I heard. But impotence isn't HIV infection. Your "Dark brown liquid" might be a promissing development but go through the proper channels of testing before you go claiming to have found a cure.
And, if it's really a cure for HIV and/or AIDS, don't fucking keep it a "State Secret"! That only makes it look like you're in it for the money.
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