Bouncing on a Trampoline

This has got to be about the nuttiest thing I've come across.

Reboundology. The study of bouncing. Boingy, boingy. Boingy.

Sometime ago, this guy (a "reboundologist"; one who studies bouncing) bounced into the HIV/AIDS:1 chat room on Yahoo!Chat and proclaimed to the world (or at least the 30 or so of us in the chat room) that by simply bouncing on a trampoline one could cure him- or herself of AIDS. But not only AIDS! According to the bouncing moron's web site bouncing on a trampoline will cause "just about everything docotrs deem as 'incurable' or 'chronic,' including arthritis, asthma, cancer, chronic fatigure, diabetes, lupus, and multiple sclerosis" to "disappear on its own with nothing more than rebound exercise combined with a healthy diet." And, by his own personal story, bouncing around like a twit will also reverse the aging process! (Eva Gabor would be so proud. And so would Ponce de Leon....)


(Since the bouncing asshole hasn't been able to master the art of typing into a web editor and finds it easier to put text on the web in an IMAGE, I've reproduced that image here; just in case he's able to pull his head out of his ass long enough to learn to use "Notepad" and decides to use text in the future. The links on the image here won't work, but the ones on the web site will.)

Exactly how this bouncing thing works, I'm not sure. But I assume it somehow jiggles the little evil things causing all these problems (you know, your genes, dna, viruses, bacteria, etc.) to somehow bounce--boing!--out of the body. Or I guess it might work like those little gopher chasers that don't work. Or if by combining yesterday's cure with this one you can double the chances of making at least one of the fucking fake cures work.

What the HELL are these people thinking!? BOUNCING cures AIDS and cancer!?! Are cancer cells like magnets that, when realigned by jiggling, somehow get destroyed!? Is HIV somehow unable to find a CD4+ cell to infect if they're both bouncing 20 minutes a day? What the FUCK!!???

This fucker is just out to make a buck. Yeah, he's got a semi-inspirational story but it's bullshit! He's got books, and video tapes and, of course, the trampoline you can buy from him to "bounce your way back to health".

Now, yes, exercise is good. Without it, we'd all probably just turn into couch monkies sitting and doing nothing. Getting fatter and fatter. And I do think that everybody should exercise more and eat better. (I know I should.) But bouncing on an itty bitty trampoline ain't gonna cure anything and very well might make you nauseous. And, if memory serves correctly, these little trampolines were also sold as an exercise device back in the primitive 1970's. They didn't do much then, and they don't do much now.

But, one thing's for sure, though. If Bouncing on a Trampoline cures all sorts of diseases, The Juggies over on The Man Show will never get sick.